


Lessons of Love

by IvanW



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bonding, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love, M/M, Recovery, Romance, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, T'hy'la
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-14 06:52:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 27,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2182110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvanW/pseuds/IvanW
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock visits his father on New Vulcan before the five-year mission and he takes his still recovering captain with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In only two and a half months the Enterprise would begin its five-year mission with Captain Kirk under command and Spock as his first officer.

Given the length of time in space and the unknown elements, Spock thought it prudent to visit his father on New Vulcan. He had politely asked Nyota if she wished to accompany him but he had not been displeased when she had advised she had too much to do to make the journey.

He’d been somewhat surprised though when this had prompted him to invite James Kirk. More surprised when Jim had agreed.

Jim still had a tendency to tire easily and the atmosphere did not help so he had retired to his guest room shortly after dinner with Spock and Sarek. Spock’s counterpart, now calling himself Selek, had also been there, but he had excused himself to his own home when it had become clear Jim was going to bed. Spock realized by this action that Selek had only attended dinner to see Jim.

“I would appreciate your coming to have breakfast with me tomorrow, Jim,” Selek had said as he made to depart.

Jim had given the old Vulcan that smile that seemed to melt even the most stoic hearts. “Sure, I’d love to. Not too early I hope.”

“No, of course not. Whenever you rise will be fine.”

Jim nodded. “Great.” Then he tilted his head in a fair imitation of Spock himself. “Just me?”

Spock opened his mouth to speak.

“Spock and I have business with the counsel tomorrow,” Sarek said.

Selek seemed pleased by this. “See you in the morning, Jim.”

“Night.” Jim yawned widely as soon as the door closed behind Spock’s counterpart.

“You have allowed yourself to become over tired,” Spock said, nearly wincing at the accusation he heard in his own voice.

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Jim’s smile was tired. “Going now.” He turned to Sarek. “Goodnight, Sir.”

“Goodnight, Captain. Sleep well.”

Spock went into his father’s kitchen. “Tea?”

“Please.”

He bent down to take a teapot out of the cabinet and stopped. The first one he saw was a fat round one with an ornate gold handle and tiny green flowers over the bulbed part of the pot. Spock took it out and set it on the counter.

“This was Mother’s.”

“A replica only.”

Spock stared at his father but noticed he would not look at Spock. “You obtained a replica?”

“The one she had collected was destroyed with our planet. I found its shape and size to be the most useful for my needs so it was only logical to replace it.”

Spock did not reply but heated water and then poured it into the pot with tea leaves to steep it.

“You wish to ask me something?” Sarek asked after a while. “Speak your mind.”

“Do you miss her?”

“Every day,” Sarek admitted. “To lose a mate is one of the most difficult occurrences that must be faced. You will learn this someday when you have found a mate.”

Spock shook his head.

“The human woman, Nyota Uhura. Is it your intention to make a lifetime commitment?”

Spock had thought of little else for a long time. He could not have said when the doubts began. Just that they had. He stared down at the replica of his mother’s teapot and tried to imagine treasuring something like it that Nyota had liked. He could not think of such a thing.

Unbidden, his mind went to one of Jim’s favorite book, A Tale of Two Cities. Spock had read it to him while he’d still been in the hospital.

_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times._

“I cannot,” Spock finally replied. “I respect Nyota and hold her in great regard.”

“But you do not love her,” Sarek supplied.

“No.” Spock poured tea into their cups. “I desire what you and Mother had.”

Sarek took the cup Spock handed him. “You are conflicted.”

He wanted to deny it, but he said nothing.

“There is someone you love, is there not, Spock?”

Spock did not want to admit it. If he gave voice to it then it was true. He could not take the words back. They would make them all too real.

Sarek nodded. “You do not need to answer, Spock. But if you do…do not waste time. You will find there is not as much as you thought.”

His father then took his tea and retired to his room.


	2. Chapter 2

“I like your house. It’s cozy.”

“You mean it is small,” Selek replied, not bothering to hide his amusement.

Jim grinned. “Well. Small is cozy. And anyway it’s just you isn’t it?”

“It is.” Selek set the food in front of Jim. “I am afraid it is simple fare, Jim. I am not a fancy cook.”

“It’s fine. I’m not exactly picky with food. Not since…” He trailed off.

“Tarsus.”

“How’d you know…never mind stupid question.” Jim shook his head. “You know everything about me, don’t you?”

“No, Jim.”

He blew out a breath. “Close enough. He was at Tarsus, right? The other me.”

“Yes. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I will not speak of him.”

“No, it doesn’t.” Jim smiled. “Not really.”

“What is bothering you, Jim?” Selek sat at the table after handing Jim some coffee.

“Sometimes I don’t think I can compete with him.”

“You do not need to. Jim, your path is your own, just as it is for Spock. What was to be was altered in this universe. You are not in competition with any prior James Kirks.”

Jim picked up the coffee and stared at it. “But…don’t you see? You didn’t even have to ask me how I liked my coffee.”

“I do apologize. Is it not to your liking?”

Jim took a sip. “It’s perfect. And that’s my point. You already knew how I liked it because he liked it that way.”

Selek was silent for a moment. “I apologize. It was presumptuous of me to assume you would take your coffee as he did.”

“But I do, that’s the thing. And it’s not your fault. Why shouldn’t you assume that? God, you know, it has to be so hard for you. I can’t imagine it.”

“It is manageable.”

“Is it?” Jim reached over and covered Selek’s hand with his. There was a little jolt and then warmth, like there always was when he touched Spock, even this one. “You forget…I know.”

“It was not my intention to show you that during our meld.”

“Maybe not, but you did.” He stared at his fingernails. “If I had Spock and then lost him…I really don’t know what I’d do.”

Selek looked as though he was considering something. Then he said, “There was a time when Jim lost me.”

Jim looked up, startled. “There was?”

He nodded. “In my time, I fixed the warp core.”

“You died?”

“Yes. There was no Khan’s blood to bring me back. Khan was killed. Jim was filled with grief, yes, but I assure you he handled it as well as anyone who has lost their mate can.”

“No offense, but you’re not dead. If there was no Khan, then—”

“But there was Genesis.”

Jim frowned. “Genesis?”

“A creation of Carol Marcus and her team.”

“Carol Marcus?” Jim shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “God, all this gives me a headache.”

“I am aware. Suffice it to say that together with that and the transference of my katra into Dr. McCoy, here I am.”

“Wait, what? Bones? You transferred it to Bones?”

Selek nodded. “I couldn’t touch Jim just as you couldn’t touch Spock.”

“Oh. Jesus. Well, why didn’t you show me all that shit too?”

Selek looked amused. “I did not intend to share with you all that I did. It was a means to explain about the red matter and Nero.”

Jim stabbed a strange wooden fork thing into the food Selek had given him. “I wish some of what was real in your universe was real here.”

“You speak of the bond.”

Jim bit his lip but nodded. “Yeah. Spock and I are friends only. And only just getting that way.”

“Jim and I did not become lovers and bondmates until later in life.”

“Yeah, but…your Jim…he wasn’t in a relationship with Nyota Uhura. This Spock is. Has been for a while.” He shrugged, ignoring the tightening in his chest. “The bond? That’s apparently not a universal thing.”

Selek pursed his lips. “I would ask that you keep your mind and your options open, Jim.”

“Yeah, okay, sure.”

There was, after all, no real harm in that. He knew Spock didn’t love him, not romantically anyway, but if agreeing with Selek would change the subject to something far less painful, then Jim was all for it.

“Tell me more about Genesis.”

“You and your curiosity,” Selek said, amused. “Very well.”


	3. Chapter 3

When Spock returned home just after noon he quickly noted his captain was not yet back from Selek’s home, so rather than settle in, he immediately turned around and made his way to Selek’s house.

Selek opened the door before Spock had even knocked. “Good afternoon.”

“Where is Jim?” Spock demanded, then almost winced at the demand.

Selek stepped aside to allow Spock entry. “He is asleep.”

Selek pointed and Spock saw that Jim was asleep on his back on the sofa. He stepped over to the sofa and knelt beside it, ignoring Selek’s presence and what he likely thought of Spock kneeling beside Jim.

Jim’s lids lifted, revealing the blue, and then he stared a little unseeing at Spock. For a moment Spock could not breathe, recalling the moment when Jim’s eyes lost focus behind the glass. Without thought, Spock grasped Jim’s hand, a reminder that this was different. Jim was alive and Spock could touch him.

“Spock?”

“Yes, Captain.”

Jim blinked rapidly, his expression confused. “Where am I?”

“Selek’s house. You fell asleep.”

“Oh, crap. Sorry, Selek.” Jim struggled to sit up and Spock helped him with a hand on his elbow.

“There is no need for apology, Jim,” Selek assured him.

“I have come to take you with me,” Spock explained. He did not believe he had reason to be particularly jealous of his counterpart’s relationship with his captain, but neither did he wish to encourage it either. Spock had invited Jim to New Vulcan not Selek.

Jim stood and when he swayed just a little, Spock steadied him with a hand on his arm. “Sorry,” Jim mumbled.

Spock shook his head but said nothing and waited while Jim’s legs got steadier. He did not remove his hand. “Ready?” he asked quietly.

Jim smiled. “Yeah. Thanks.” He walked toward the door and Spock followed. “Thanks for breakfast. It was good.”

Selek stared very intently at Jim. “I enjoyed the pleasant company.”

“Me, too. I hope we can see each other again before I leave.”

“I will make certain of that.” Selek opened the door for them. “Good day, Jim. Spock.”

Spock was tempted to help his captain walk when he noticed his shallow breathing, but he also knew Jim could be extremely stubborn and became angry if Spock or Dr. McCoy offered him too much assistance.

“How did your meetings or whatever go?”

“They were satisfactory. My father had additional conferences that will require long hours, so it will be only us for dinner.”

Jim nodded. “Okay.”

They reached his father’s house and Spock allowed Jim to precede him inside.

“Do you require one of the shots Dr. McCoy sent with us?”

Jim immediately sunk on to the couch with a heavy sigh. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Spock went into the room where Jim’s belongings had been left and he obtained the hypospray. After injecting Jim’s neck, he waited for Jim’s grimace to pass, then he said, “Better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Jim leaned his head against the back of the couch. “Why am I still so fucking tired?”

Spock had pointed out when Jim had previously asked this question that Jim had died. This was so far out of their experience, anything related to Jim’s recovery could not be predicted.

So, instead of repeating himself, he asked instead, “Would you like coffee?”

“Sure. I need something.”

Spock made it for him and during that time, Jim remained on the couch with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes and took the coffee when Spock brought it to him.

“You made it correctly?” Jim asked with a strange smile.

“No sugar, extra cream, very hot. Is that not accurate?”

“Yeah, it is. How do you remember though?”

“I have observed you drink it that way many times. It is not difficult to recall. And I am Vulcan.”

Jim sighed. “Yeah, okay. I’m just being stupid.”

Jim was in a strange mood, but then that was not uncommon for him. Spock sat in a chair across from Jim with the tea that he had made himself.

“What about the memory lapses?” Jim asked.

“Memory lapses?”

“Come on, Spock. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up without a clue where the hell I was.”

“I was not aware you were concerned this was a pattern.”

“Well, I guess I wasn’t aware I thought it was before, but now I do. I have some short term memory loss, too. You know that.”

“Jim, we have discussed this before with Dr. McCoy and we do not—”

“Know what to expect because I died and came back to life. Yeah I know. I feel a bit like Frankenstein’s monster.”

“That reference is not accurate.”

“Almost,” Jim mumbled. “Hey, Spock?”

“Captain?”

“None of you drink coffee, but yet both you and Selek had coffee for me.”

Spock kept his face carefully neutral. “I cannot say why Selek had it, but I am aware of your preference for it and, therefore, brought some with us when I knew we were traveling to New Vulcan.”

Jim’s face fell. “Shit. And I knew that, didn’t I? You told me when we left on the shuttle you were bringing it. Fuck.”

“Jim, it is a minor thing. Do not become fretful.”

“That’s the thing, Spock. I can’t fucking remember something that minor. That’s fucked up.” He covered his face with his hands. “What’s the brass gonna think if they find out? They’ll take the Enterprise away from me.”

“They will not,” Spock assured him. “All will be well.”

Spock would make sure of that. Whatever it would take.


	4. Chapter 4

Jim heard the back door open and without turning around, he said, “Hey Spock.”

“You have been out here a long time.”

“Yeah.” He glanced at Spock, dressed in a black robe cinched at the waist. He looked good. Really good. ”You don’t have to hover, you know.”

Spock stiffened. “I was unaware I was.”

Jim shook his head.

“If I am unwelcome—”

“Spock, no.” Jim turned to him and gripped Spock’s upper arms. “You’re never unwelcome. Never.”

“It is only that you died, Captain. I find myself protective of your person.”

Jim nodded, for a moment his chest welling up with emotion. God, if Spock thought he was too emotional before he would think so even more now. “Okay. It’s okay. You can hover.”

He released Spock then and looked up at the sky. “It’s pretty. Is it anything like Vulcan? I never went there before…before. “ He shrugged helplessly. “I saw pictures you know. Video. But that’s not the same, is it?”

“This planet is satisfactory for the purposes it was chosen,” Spock said quietly. “But no. It is not Vulcan. As you are aware Vulcans are not sentimental…yet there is something missing here that we felt on home.”

“I figured. I fucking hated my home. Terrible shit went down there.” Jim laughed bitterly. “Wish I could forget that. And yet, I still know the smells of Riverside, the flowers, the people, the breezes. If you blindfolded me and put me in the middle of town, I’d know it. I’d know it anywhere.”

He was aware of Spock staring at him intently. That was the thing about Vulcans, Jim thought. They always penetrated you with their gaze.

“I really wish I had been able to meet your mom. I bet she was awesome.”

“She was. I believe she would have liked you very much.”

Jim smiled. “And I like your dad. He’s different than I expected.”

Spock arched a brow. “How so?”

“I kind of expected to be afraid of him.”

“You would fear my father?”

He could see he had surprised Spock, maybe even shocked him.

“Maybe fear is too strong a word. I expected to find him intimidating. My only experience was when he was on the Enterprise after Vulcan was destroyed. I’m pretty sure I didn’t make the best impression.” Jim grimaced. “But…I like him. He’s not intimidating at all. Funny, actually, he reminds me of you.”

“That does not seem peculiar. I am his son.”

“Yeah, yeah, you are. He’s maybe a little more…logical than you, but yeah, he’s okay.”

Spock definitely wore his illogical human expression, so Jim laughed and turned toward the house. “How about a game of chess?”

Spock followed him into the house and soon produced a 3D chess set.

“More coffee?”

“Sounds good. I want to be able to stay up a little later tonight.”

“I would rather you rested at an appropriate time.”

Jim smirked. “Well who is to say what time is appropriate. Besides, Spock, you aren’t actually my boss.”

“Your boss?” Both of Spock’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yeah. You know, you’re not the boss of me?” Spock merely stared at him. “No? Not a Vulcan saying then.”

“No. However, it is true that I am not your superior,  I do think in the interest of maintaining your health, an earlier rest period is preferable.”

“We’ll see. I’ll probably be asleep anyway. I can’t seem to stay awake for long. You know this better go away by the time the ship goes.” He grabbed his coffee out of Spock’s hand and made his way to sit in front of the chess set. “You know that is another thing.”

“Another thing?”

“Why do I remember how to play chess but I can’t remember what we had for dinner before we got on that shuttle for New Vulcan?” And at first he’d meant it in a sort of joking way. Light-hearted. But as soon as the words were out of his mouth, his chest ached, and he sat back against the couch. “Fuck. I hate this.”

“Dr. McCoy said—”

“I know what he said, Spock. But it’s not fucking Bones going through this. And God, I feel…I feel lost.”

“I apologize.”

Jim sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “God, and now I see why you hate that so much.”

Spock blinked. “What?”

“When humans say they’re sorry after everything. You always said it made no sense to apologize for something that you did not affect and damn it, you’re fucking right again.”

“Jim—”

Jim stood up and turned away. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

“If there is something you require, you have only to ask,” Spock said quickly.

“I just—I feel so agitated.”

Spock hesitated. “I am not practiced in dealing with overwrought human emotions.”

Jim laughed at that, too on edge to feel insulted. Besides he knew Spock meant no insult. “That’s why I said I should probably take a nap. I’m kind of on an entire planet with beings who can’t deal with overwrought emotion.”

“If you are agitated then being alone may not be the best solution for you now.”

And at that it hit Jim what he needed right then to deal with the agitation. The restlessness that suddenly was upon him. He needed someone to push him down on the bed, tear his clothes off, and fuck him into the mattress. Fucking him so deep, so thoroughly, he’d be sore for days.

 _Spock_.

But he wasn’t going to get that. Not here. Not now. Not ever. And really, what the hell was he thinking anyway?

He forced calmness into his racing heart.

_Get it together, Jim._

“The nap is what I need. So, um, can you wake me up in a couple of hours? I can make dinner or help or whatever.”

“That will not be required. I will make us dinner.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. Forced a smile. “Thanks. You’ve been…you’ve been amazing. Really.”

He turned and went down the short hallway to the guest bedroom he’d been given. A check of his PADD indicated messages from the Federation and also Bones. He wasn’t at all surprised to see Bones had sent him messages. Four of them. But he didn’t have the strength or the desire to deal with Bones right now. Later.

Instead he threw himself on the bed and tried to force improper thoughts of Spock holding him down, devouring him from his mind. He would not give in to such things. He would not.

Yet…he bit his lip and reached for the zipper of his pants.    


	5. Chapter 5

For just a moment, Spock almost opened the door of the spare room Jim rested in to check on him. It was completely illogical of course. But Spock found that he often checked on the welfare of his captain for no apparent reason other than he just wanted to do so.

He turned from the door. Jim would not thank him for disturbing his privacy. Spock went to the kitchen and made himself tea, then he went to the table where he’d left his PADD.

A message waited for him from Nyota, so he contacted her. After a few minutes, she appeared on his PADD, smiling.

“Spock! It’s good to hear from you.”

“You look well, Nyota.”

“How are things there? How’s Kirk?”

“Everything is satisfactory. Including the captain.”

“That’s good. I was a little worried about him when I last saw him. He seemed kind of pale.”

“His color has returned.” Spock hesitated. “When I return to Earth, there is something I need to discuss with you.”

“Oh yeah?” She smiled. “Why not tell me now?”

“I thought it best to talk face to face.”

Her smile faded. “So, it’s that kind of conversation.”

“What kind?”

Nyota sighed. “I’m here now, Spock. And we’re face to face. You may as well tell me.”

Spock sipped his tea and considered. “It was my understanding humans wished to deal with emotional difficulty in person.”

She laughed at that. “I really don’t see either one of us having an emotional breakdown over this, Spock. You want to break up, don’t you?”

Spock was not surprised Nyota got straight to the point. She was always unfailingly blunt. “Yes. I have found our romantic relationship interesting and fulfilling. However, circumstances have changed.”

“Is there someone else?”

He shook his head. “No. I have not been unfaithful.”

Nyota was quiet for a couple of minutes, but then she nodded. “It makes logical sense.”

“Does it?”

She smiled. “Yes. The truth is we’ve always been better friends than lovers. Spock, the reason I said no to going with you to New Vulcan is I wanted some time apart to think about things. You just came to the conclusion faster than I did, but I think I would have realized it too.”

He felt relieved. He had not expected to feel that way, but now that he had spoken the words and Nyota had agreed without crying or any other emotional outburst, Spock was relieved.

“You look surprised,” Nyota said.

“I did not expect the lack of conflict,” Spock admitted.

She laughed again. “So you found it surprisingly easy to break up with me.”

“I did not—”

“I’m teasing, Spock.”

Spock heard the door of Jim’s room open.

“Nyota, the captain has risen from his nap and—”

“Hey, Spock, I—” Jim stopped. Stared at the screen of Spock’s PADD. “Oh. Listen. Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“Hello, Captain,” Nyota said pleasantly.

He nodded at her. “Hi.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll just. I’ll just. I’m going outside.” And Jim opened the door and left.

“Are you sure he’s okay, Spock?” Nyota asked. “He looked upset.”

“His moods change constantly,” Spock replied. “I should go and see what he needs. If you are all right?”

“I’m fine, Spock. See you when you return, okay?”

“Yes, Nyota.” And she faded from his PADD.

Spock rose from the table and went out to the back yard where Jim had disappeared.

“You are finished with your nap so soon?” Spock asked as he approached Jim. But then he stopped when he watched Jim wipe his eyes and then turn his head away from Spock. Spock felt an ache in his heart. “Jim?”

“Yeah, Spock?”

“You are emotional.”

Jim snorted. “You’re just figuring that out now? You know that about me already.”

“I mean…you are having an emotional reaction.” Spock grabbed the back of Jim’s arms and turned him to face him. “Were you crying?”

“Crying? No.” Jim pulled himself out of Spock’s grasp easily and stepped around him. “I had something in my eye, that’s all.”

Spock did not believe his captain was being truthful, but neither did he desire an argument, so he let it pass. “You did not sleep?”

“I couldn’t. I tried.” Jim grimaced. “I hope that’s not gonna happen again.”

“What?”

“Before I died.” Jim stopped and shook his head. For a moment he just stared toward the house saying nothing. Spock was about to ask for further clarification when Jim spoke again. “I had trouble sleeping. A lot of trouble.”

“Your sleep was interrupted by dreams?”

“Dreams? No. I don’t seem to dream much. I couldn’t fall asleep most of the time. And when I did, I woke up after only a couple of hours. I think it came from Tarsus.”

“How?” Spock was aware that Jim had spent time on Tarsus, he’d read Jim’s file, but his captain rarely spoke of it.

“Had to stay awake a lot to avoid the death squads and the murderers.” Jim licked his lips. “Bones sometimes gave me sedatives but I didn’t want to rely on that. Since…since my incident I don’t seem to have that problem. Or I didn’t.”

Jim started walking back toward the house without indicating that was his destination, but Spock followed. Once inside, Jim made himself coffee without saying anything. Spock waited.

“It’s nice you got to talk to Uhura,” he said, his back turned to Spock as he poured cream into his coffee.

“Yes.”

“I’ve got messages from Bones. I should probably see what they say. Starfleet, too.”

“If you prefer, I will respond to your messages from Starfleet,” Spock offered. He did not want them bothering Jim during his leave.

Jim sighed and turned around, lifting the coffee up to his lips. “I should be okay, Spock. I can answer them.”

Spock nodded. “As you wish. Are you hungry? Shall I start dinner?”

Jim smiled. “Actually, yes. But I’m going to help.”

“I told you it was not required.”

“I don’t think it is. I just want to.” Jim stared at Spock rather intently considering the simplicity of the subject of dinner.

Spock also didn’t fail to notice Jim’s eyes were red. If Spock had somehow upset Jim without intending—

“Okay?” Jim asked softly.

“Yes, Jim. You may assist.”


	6. Chapter 6

Jim grimaced and waved his hand over the smoke. “Spock, I think I’m burning the bread.”

He turned around and saw that Spock had left the kitchen and that was when he realized someone was at the door. With a smile, he left the Kreyla smoldering.

“Why are you here?” Spock asked their visitor.

Selek raised a brow. “Jim invited me.”

Spock turned to Jim and stared at him. His expression was blank but Jim was pretty sure Spock was irritated.

“I did,” Jim admitted with a broad grin.

“Why?”

“Because he’s by himself and we’re making all this food and I just thought it would be nice.” Jim shook his head. “You’re being rude, Spock.”

Spock straightened, his cheeks turning slightly green. “I apologize. Of course you are welcome.” He stepped aside to allow a more than slightly amused Selek inside.

“How gracious,” Selek murmured. His nostril flared. “Do I smell burned Kreyla?”

Jim winced. “Yeah, sorry. I sort of lost track of how long it had been in there. It’s scorched a bit. I think I can scrape off the darkest parts.” Jim went into the kitchen, aware that both Vulcans followed closely behind. He glanced at the small container Selek held. “What’s that?”

“It is a special blend of coffee that Ji—” He stopped and glanced at a very rigid Spock. “Someone I used to know preferred. I obtained it for you last time I was on Earth and did not have a chance to present you with it.”

“That’s awesome,” Jim said as he took the container from Selek. “I’ll make some right now.”

“Perhaps having more coffee would not be wise,” Spock spoke up.

Jim shook his head. “I’m fine, Spock. It’s cool.”

Spock bowed slightly. “As you wish.” He went to study the burnt Kreyla. “I do not believe this can be salvaged, Captain.”

“Damn it. I guess I need more practice cooking. Been relying on replicators too much.”

Selek sat upon a stool near the kitchen. “As I recall my Jim was not much of a cook either.”

Spock’s glance in Selek’s direction was downright cold. “I am quite certain there are more differences than similarities between the Jim from your timeline and my Jim.”

Jim cleared his throat, sure he imagined the slight inflection on the ‘my’ before the ‘Jim’. He made himself busy making his coffee. “Would you two like some…tea?”

“That would be most agreeable, Jim,” Selek replied. “What are we having for dinner?”

“Ulan soup as well as C’torr.”

“But not Kreyla,” Jim said as he turned around. He smiled. “Sorry.”

Selek gave a small shrug. “I am your guest. Whatever you serve will be more than sufficient.”

Jim set the teapot between the two Spocks…er Vulcans. It was strange to be surrounded by two of the same person, basically. Sure, you could call the elder one Selek but the truth was he was Spock. A Spock by any other name, etc.

He picked up his coffee mug and took a sip and as he lowered it he realized both of them were staring very intently at him. Jim smiled. “Yes?”

“Is the coffee to your liking?” Selek asked.

Well, hell, he did like it, actually. It was strong and faintly spicy and fucking great, actually. But if he admitted that, was he somehow betraying Spock? His Spock. Ah, fuck it.

“It’s delicious,” Jim admitted. “I love it.”

Spock’s eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly but he said nothing.

Selek appeared as though he were not trying to gloat.

Jim felt a little like the filling in a Spock sandwich which the sudden thought made him choke on the coffee. He gasped for air and spit coffee into the sink.

Spock started pounding on his back.

“Jesus,” Jim exclaimed, scooting away from Spock. “Easy, easy. I don’t need my back broken along with everything else.”

“My apologies,” Spock said stiffly. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Um, that was kinda gross.”

“Perhaps the coffee wasn’t as delicious as first thought.”

Jim had to laugh at that. “No, it was. I just had a really strange thought.”

Spock arched a brow. “I see. It is time for dinner. Would you set the table, Jim?”

“Sure.”

****

By the time the evening ended—which after dinner, Jim and Selek had played a game of chess, which Spock pretended not to pay attention to, but Jim knew he was—Jim was exhausted and frankly ready for Selek to leave. The heavy tension between the two Vulcans was becoming a bit much and Jim didn’t even entirely understand what it was all about.

Spock became colder and drew more into himself the more Selek brought up Jim’s counterpart that much Jim figured out. He just wasn’t sure why.

Selek had risen and was making to leave when Sarek finally returned home.

“Good evening,” Sarek said to Selek upon entering.

“Sarek,” Selek said with a slight bow. “I was about to leave.”

Sarek nodded. “I will not keep you.”

“Thanks for coming,” Jim said, walking the old Vulcan to the door. “I had fun.”

“It was indeed a pleasant way to spend the evening.”

“And thanks for the special blend of coffee.” Jim yawned.

Selek nodded. “It was nothing. Your thanks are not required.”

“Good night.” Jim closed the door after him and then leaned heavily against it.

Spock was by his side in an instant. “You are overtired.”

“Yeah.” Jim yawned again, swayed a little, but was held steady by Spock’s hand on his arm. He turned to Sarek. “Sorry about Selek. I should have asked you if it was all right to invite him.”

“This is your home while you are on New Vulcan, Captain. You are welcome to invite whomever you wish.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“As I have said, you may call me Sarek.”

“Okay.” Jim smiled. “As long as you call me Jim.”

Sarek nodded. “We are in agreement, Jim. If you will excuse me, I must meditate before I retire.”

“Good night.”

And now it was just him and Spock. He noticed Spock hadn't let go of his arm.

“I’m sorry about the Kreyla.”

“It is of no consequence.”

“Are you mad?”

Spock blinked. “As in have I taken leave of my senses?”

Jim snorted. “No. As in, are you angry?”

“No. Why would I be?”

“At least you didn't say Vulcans don’t feel anger.”

Spock stared at him, his chocolate eyes almost unbearably intense and bright. “You are aware that would be an untruth.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He almost lifted his hand to his throat, but didn't. They didn't need the reminder, either of them. “Because I invited Selek. You don’t like him much, do you?”

“To dislike my counterpart would be illogical. It is time for you to rest. The skin under your eyes is darkening.”

“I am tired. Hope that means I can sleep.”

Spock nodded. “You will.”

He walked with Jim to his room. “Good night, Jim.”

“Night, Spock.” Jim went inside and closed the door. He leaned against it and wished he didn’t have to sleep alone.  


	7. Chapter 7

Spock woke in the middle of the night but he was not certain as to why. The window of his room was left open and the wispy curtains that covered it blew gently with a breeze not exactly cool, but less hot than during the day.

He removed the blankets covering him and stood to go to the window. The very edges of the night sky had lightened indicating the approach of dawn.

Spock was never one to sleep in, but this was early even for him and he suspected something had awakened him. He dressed in pants and a sweater that had been given to him by his mother not long before her death. It had been a birthday present, a sweater she had made herself, and though Spock had long since told her it was illogical to present him with gifts at the anniversary of his birth, she continued to do so.

Something drew him to the window once more and he gazed out at the fading night. He saw nothing at first and was about to turn from the window when he spotted a figure sitting on the little stone bench in his father’s back yard. The person was in shadows, Spock had almost missed him, but even without a full view, he knew who sat there alone.

Spock stepped out from his room and saw light streaming from his father’s study. It seemed Spock was the last one up. He tapped lightly on the door.

“Come.” His father was seated behind his desk working on a terminal.

“You have risen early.”

“As have you. I woke when your young captain stepped outside,” his father replied. “I ascertained that he was not in distress and then I made tea and decided to work.”

Spock nodded. “His sleep is erratic. I intend to check on him.”

“Spock.”

“Yes?”

“Being bonded to a human is…difficult.”

“You speak of mother.”

“Indeed. It was rewarding in many ways, but also challenging for both of us.”

“I was unaware you were displeased,” Spock said stiffly.

His father quirked a brow. “I was not. Your mother was a remarkable woman and adapted to our ways with relative ease given the difficulty she faced with a not always welcoming planet. But in many ways her emotions were reserved even before we bonded. She was quiet and pensive.”

Spock knew there was some point to this but he was not certain what his father intended to say.

“James Kirk is a unique individual,” his father said quietly. “But I do not believe he is quiet and pensive.”

“He is not.”

“Nor easily adaptable. I urge caution.”

“I do not know what you intend to say.”

“I believe you do, Spock. Do you plan to go with me later to the city?”

“I have not yet determined. I will advise later.”

His father nodded. “As you wish.”

Spock made himself tea and then went outside to find his captain.

Jim was seated on the bench, leaning against a small native tree, reading an old-fashioned paperback book with a tiny handheld light.  Next to him was a mug of coffee. He looked up when Spock approached with an easy smile that set Spock’s heart to fluttering.

“Hey. I didn't wake you too, did I?”

Spock sat beside him. “Negative. I do wonder why you have already risen.”

“I woke up. You know how I said I don’t dream much?”

“Yes.”

“Apparently the power of suggestion made me dream.” Jim shrugged.

“What was your dream about?”

“I don’t really recall.”

Spock could tell by the way Jim’s gaze slid away that he was not being truthful, but he did not press it. Jim’s dreams were private and Spock had no right to pry. He reached for the book Jim held and took it from him. “A Tale of Two Cities. Again?”

“I’m a creature of habit. I like it.” Jim took it back from Spock.

“It would have been easier on your eyes to read inside the house, would it not?”

“I thought it would be less disturbing to you two if I came outside.” Jim grinned. “I should have known with two Vulcans. You’re not very predictable and yet you are.”

“You are contradicting yourself.”

“I often do.”

“Indeed. Are you hungry? Do you require refreshment?”

“I could eat. But, you know, Spock, you don’t always have to take care of me. I’m not exactly an invalid.”

“You are not,” Spock agreed. “But I do not find it troublesome to see to your physical requirements, such as nutrition.”

Jim smiled. “Nutrition, huh? Yeah, I suppose that is one of my physical requirements.”

“Speaking of, I have noticed your breathing is becoming more labored and you are making a crackling noise. It is likely time for another of Dr. McCoy’s shots.”

Jim sighed. “I guess so.”

“Dr. McCoy has sent me a message, Captain.”

“Oh?”

“Apparently you have been ignoring his and he is concerned.”

“Oh brother,” Jim said with a snort. “I’m not ignoring him. I just haven’t gotten around to responding. I’m supposed to be on leave, which means relaxing and not being pestered by a mother hen.”

“He is concerned for you.”

“I know. I’m fine though. Except the damn memory issues.” Jim closed his book. “Fine, I’ll respond this morning.”

“I am certain he will be gratified.” Spock stood. “Come inside. We will replicate you eggs this morning.”

Jim stood up. “Oh, great. Replicated eggs.”

“You are applying sarcasm?”

“I am indeed, Spock. But you already knew I was a pain in the ass.”

Spock nodded and entered the house. “What are your plans for today beyond responding to overdo messages?”

“Hmm.” Jim sat at the stool Spock’s counterpart had occupied the night before. “Don’t really have any. Hanging around, reading. Maybe go for a walk. What about you?”

“While this planet is not as hot as Vulcan you do need to be wary of the temperature and sun should you go for a walk.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “I’m not actually a dunderhead, Spock.”

“A dunderhead, Captain?”

“Never mind. You going with your father into the city?”

“It is likely.” Spock hesitated. “We will likely be preoccupied with Vulcan matters otherwise I would invite you to accompany us.”

“No worries. I can always find my way there if I want.”

“I am not so certain wandering too far by yourself would be a good idea.”

“I _can_ take care of myself, Spock.”

Spock nodded. “Of course.”

“You don’t have to sound so patronizing.”

“It is not—”

“Your intention. Yeah, I know.” Jim rested his chin in his hands. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll find some way to pass the time.”

“I will be back in the afternoon. Perhaps I can join you on your walk.” Spock set the eggs in front of Jim as well as a new cup of coffee. The blend his counterpart had brought Jim.

Jim stared down at his breakfast. “There aren’t any real chickens on this planet, huh?”

“There are not. But there were none on Vulcan either.”

“I don’t suppose you can replicate me some bacon.”

“Bacon is on the list of off limit foods that Dr. McCoy provided before we left Earth.”

“Fucker. I really hate him sometimes.” He stabbed into his eggs. He brought the forkful to his nose and sniffed. He grimaced. “Doesn’t even smell like eggs.”

“If you would rather have something else—”

“No, no. I’m just being a pain. I’m in one of my sour moods I guess.” He stuck the bite of eggs into his mouth and chewed. “It’s not bad.”

A bit of liquidy yellow yoke dribbled down to just under Jim’s lips. “Oops.” His tongue darted out to lick it up. Spock stared in fascination. His fingers tightened around his teacup as his gaze zeroed in on that moving tongue.

“Spock?”

He blinked, tearing his gaze from Jim’s mouth. “I must meditate.”


	8. Chapter 8

Jim waited for his Vulcan babysitters to go into the main city on New Vulcan before he ventured out himself. He actually waited an entire half an hour after they’d left, just on the chance one of them had forgotten something and returned unexpectedly.

Of course Jim knew it was ridiculous to imagine a Vulcan forgetting anything, especially one with the name Spock, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

It wasn’t that he was trying to be sneaky…exactly. But since he’d arrived on New Vulcan it seemed like someone was watching him all the time like he needed to be watched. He’d survived death, surely that counted for something. Didn’t it mean he could handle a couple of hours wandering around without an escort?

He was aware of the baking sun as he stepped outside. How could he not be? He’d taken the precaution of jabbing himself with one of the hyposprays Bones had sent with him. Jim had also smeared some sort of sun screen crap that was supposed to be 100 block all over his face. Bones sent that too. His best friend had also sent a big floppy hat he expected Jim to wear but that sure as hell was not happening.

Jim sighed and put on the giant sunshade goggles Bones had given him. At least he thought it was Bones. He couldn’t quite remember but it seemed like something Bones would do. Something about his light eyes needing protection.

He got that the Vulcans wanted to form their colony on a planet as similar in atmosphere and temperature as their original was, but hell, they could have chosen some place maybe slightly less hot and bright.

Jim shook his head and started walking. He had no particular destination. He just needed some outdoors time or something. Yeah, he sat outside in Sarek’s backyard a lot, but it was still somehow confining. He was not used to answering to anyone. Even Bones had known to keep somewhat of a distance from Jim. Jim had long since erected barriers and he did not intend to let anyone past them. Even overprotective friends.

Somehow, after an hour of wandering, he found himself at Selek’s house, even though it did not take an hour from where Sarek lived to where Selek lived. He didn’t quite know how he ended up where he basically started, like maybe he was walking in circles. Selek was crouched in a garden digging in dirt.

He instantly straightened as Jim approached.

“You don’t have to get up,” Jim said when the old Vulcan made to get to his feet. “What are you growing?”

“Vegetables.”

Jim dropped to his haunches next to Selek. “Yeah? Earth or Vulcan?”

“A mixture of both actually. I intend to build a greenhouse to protect some of the more delicate plants.”

“You’re really amazing.”

Selek arched a brow. “Because I am growing vegetables.”

“Yeah and other things. But here you are totally taken away from the life you built somewhere else or some other time and you just adapt to it.” Jim shook his head. “I’d go insane.”

“I am certain you would not.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Is there a story?”

“None that I am willing to relay.”

Jim sighed. “Figures. Want some help?”

“Actually I am ready for a break.”

Jim automatically reached down to help the elderly Vulcan up.

“It is not as easy as it once was,” Selek said primly.

“I’m sure.”

“Come inside, I will provide you with a cool drink.” Selek glanced behind him as he walked to his house. “That is unusual eye wear.”

“Uh, yeah. Bones. Something about the sun and my pale eyes or whatever. He’s a worry wart.” He removed the sun goggles.

“He views you with a great deal of affection.”

“I know.” Jim followed Selek into the house. “Was it the same with your Bones and Jim?”

Selek began to putz around in his kitchen. “You are looking for ways to ask me about my time.”

Jim laughed. “Don’t you find my charm irresistible?”

Selek smiled very softly. “Perhaps a bit. Yes the Dr. McCoy of my time was very close to my Jim.”

“I like that.”

“To what do you refer?”

“The way your voice gets all soft and lilty when you say my Jim.” Jim sighed and leaned his hand on his chin. “It’s sweet. I want that.”

“Have you advised Spock of your feelings?”

Jim snorted. “Right.”

“It is worth a try,” Selek said.

“Did your Jim tell you?”

Selek put a glass of some cold tea looking thing in front of Jim. “You are asking again.”

Jim laughed. “Caught me. Okay, so let’s change the subject. About when you died.”

“Jim.”

“No, no, this is a legitimate question, Spock, er, Selek, I swear.”

Selek gave Jim his amused look. “Carry on.”

“Did you experience memory lapses?”

Selek stared at Jim for so long Jim was certain the old Vulcan intended to once more refuse to answer with some trumped up nonsense of their own destiny.  But finally he gave a little sigh as he sat across from Jim at the dining table. “Yes. Your memory problems are normal, Jim, as I am certain Dr. McCoy has told you.”

“Yeah, but it’s frustrating.”

“I know. My memory lapses were more significant than those you experience.”

Jim frowned and found himself moving his hand toward Selek’s almost without thinking. “Yeah? Like what?”

Selek hesitated. “I forgot much.”

He clenched his jaw. He knew Selek didn’t want to tell him stuff but sometimes.

“I do not intend to distress you,” Selek said quietly.

“I know. I just…can’t you just do another meld or something and tell me everything?”

“You did not enjoy the first one.”

“Well.”

Selek shook his head. “I do not believe my young counterpart would appreciate me engaging in a meld with you.”

“Why not?”

“He is very possessive of you.”

Jim laughed. “You’re crazy.”

Selek inclined his head. “Nevertheless. I will say that for a time I forgot who Jim even was.”

Jim inhaled sharply. “Oh.”

And just then Selek—Spock—looked so sad and lost Jim couldn’t stand it. He covered the other man’s hand and stroked along the fingers.

“Kroykah!”

Jim jumped as Spock—his Spock—appeared at the back door that he and Selek had come in from the garden. Spock looked positively murderous especially for a Vulcan. For a minute he thought Spock was angry with him, but then he noticed Spock was focused very precisely on Selek, who looked completely unconcerned.

“I was expecting you, Spock,” Selek said, rising from his seat. “I will bring you iced tea.”

Spock only slightly relaxed as he came fully into the house. He tore his gaze from Selek to look at Jim. His gaze noticeably softened. “You have gotten a little sun.”

“Yes. Went for a walk. Ended up here. You okay?”

Spock sat next to Jim and scooted his chair closer. “Yes, Captain.”

“Doesn’t that mean stop?”

“Captain?”

“What you said. That Vulcan word.”

Spock gave an almost imperceptible shrug.

“It does. I remember it. I think.” Jim sighed and sipped his tea. “Are you done with whatever?”

“Until tomorrow.”

Selek set iced tea in front of Spock and then resumed his seat. “If Spock and Sarek are going to be preoccupied a lot during your stay, Jim, perhaps your assistance with my vegetable garden would be a welcome distraction.”

“Oh yeah? That sounds kind of cool.”

“I am certain that a starship captain of Jim’s caliber has better things to do than grow vegetables,” Spock said.

“Not while I’m on New Vulcan,” Jim said with a smile. “Sounds great. It’s okay, right, Spock? I’d only do it when you’re busy.”

“Of course, Jim, if that is what you wish. Perhaps I will even assist on occasion myself.”

“Yeah?” Jim’s smile widened. “That would be really cool. You know when I was just a kid I helped my grandmother a bit with her garden. God, that was ages ago though.”

Spock scooted his hand closer to Jim’s. “When we are finished here, I thought perhaps you would like to go into the city.”

“Definitely.” Jim looked at Selek. “Did you want to come?”

Selek shook his head. “Three’s a crowd, Jim.”

Spock lifted his glass of tea to his lips. “Indeed.”   


	9. Chapter 9

“You are taking advantage of him,” Spock said to his counterpart. He spoke perhaps more coldly than he had intended. They waited outside for Jim while Jim had excused himself to go to the bathroom.

“To what do you refer?” Selek asked.

“I am not blind.”

“I am not so sure.”

“You forget yourself. You are not me and he is not him.”

“He is not,” Selek acknowledged. “My Jim has been gone for many years. This Jim has physically altered from the one I spent my life with and yet his mind, his personality, is in many ways very much like the Jim Kirk of my time. His upbringing has changed him but the fundamentals are there. I find myself quite fond of him.”

“Too fond.”

“Your jealousy is unfounded.”

“I am not jealous,” Spock insisted. “I am merely looking out for his welfare.”

“Because you believe he belongs to you.”

Spock shook his head in denial. “He belongs to no one.”

“Perhaps. I urge you not to make the same mistakes I did. You have already lost him once. Only through the genius of Dr. McCoy did you gain him back. Jim does not have the mythical nine lives of a cat.”

“I do not encourage your interference.”

“Yet you sought my help when dealing with Khan,” Selek pointed out.

“The ship was in danger.”

“Jim was in danger.”

“I had little choice but to seek other answers to defeat Khan,” Spock said. “We were fortunate that it worked.”

“And that Jim was willing to make such a severe sacrifice.”

Spock barely held back the wince. He did not want to think on it. He’d watched for two weeks, desperate for Jim to wake, afraid he never would, and all would be…lost.

The door opened behind them and Jim emerged once more wearing the massive wraparound sun goggles Dr. McCoy had supplied him with.

“Hey, okay, I’m ready.”

Selek produced two large flasks. “Water for your journey,” he explained to Jim, thrusting them into his hands.

“Oh. Yeah. Totally forgot it before. I figured I wouldn’t be gone long, you know?”

“If you had become lost and disoriented from dehydration your condition would be of great detriment to your well-being,” Spock said, drawing him away from Selek with a hand on Jim’s elbow.  He held up his hand in the ta’al. “Good day. Live Long and Prosper.”

“And to you both as well. We will speak soon, Jim.”

“Yeah, thanks for having me.”

Spock eyed Jim as they walked away from Selek’s house. His skin was still far too flushed red. “Where is the hat Dr. McCoy gave to you?”

“Oh, that thing? I looked like a total idiot in that.”

“Better an alive idiot than a dead fool.”

Jim laughed at that. “Don’t hold back or anything, Spock.” He shook his head. “Why are you so grumpy? I think it’s Selek.”

“Clarify.”

“I don’t know. Every time you get around him you get even snootier than usual. I guess it’s weird being around your self, huh.”

“I have already explained he is not me.”

“Technically, yeah, I guess.” Jim stumbled.

Spock immediately grabbed him, his hands gripping both of Jim’s arms. “Are you all right?”

“Just got a little dizzy.”

“It is the heat. We will return home for now and plan to go to the city tomorrow morning when it is cooler.”

“But—”

“Jim, it will be there tomorrow. I do not want you to become ill.”

“We have water and everything,” Jim protested.

“And we will tomorrow. I have brought you something,” Spock said in order to distract Jim from pouting.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“Come back to my father’s without argument and you can have it.”

“God, I think I was just manipulated.”

“Perhaps so.”

****

 Spock kept his gaze firmly on Jim as he sat in a big chair in Spock’s father’s living room. He was drinking water, something Spock had insisted on.

“Spock, you’re staring.”

“I am concerned.”

Jim sighed. “I’m fine. I’m sitting. You gave me a shot. I’m drinking water. I’m good.”

“If you are going to assist Selek with his garden you must promise to use the hat provided.”

“Come on.”

“I am serious. You agreed to come to New Vulcan with me under my care instead of the medical supervision of Dr. McCoy.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Captain.”

“Lord, you’re going to use that voice on me,” Jim mumbled. “Fine, Spock. You win. You always win.”

Spock nodded. “Do you wish more water?”

“No, I’ve had so much I’m going to float away. Where’s my present?”

“Very well.” Spock stood and went into his room where he had left the small book he had obtained in the city. When he came back into the living room, Jim was leaning his head against the chair, his eyes closed. His face was pinched with pain. He felt his heart rate increase in his side as he hurried to Jim’s side.

“Jim?” He knelt before his captain. “Jim?”

Jim’s eyes opened to look at Spock, but they were glazed with pain. “I don’t feel so good.”

“What is it? What ails you?”

“Just my stomach hurts. And…and my head.”

Spock leaned up and touched Jim’s face.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked.

“I would meld with you. To see if I can help.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Close your eyes, Captain,” Spock instructed. He touched Jim’s psi-points and instantly flinched at the pain Jim was experiencing. From what Spock could tell, and he was not a medical professional, Jim was experiencing a severe migraine, likely brought on by his exposure to heat. That it was not more serious filled Spock with a dizzying relief.

He slowly withdrew from Jim’s mind.

“Well?”

“I think you should lie quietly in your room with your eyes closed. I will give you a shot for the pain. You are developing a migraine.”

“Yeah, had those before. Damn.” Jim searched his gaze. “Nothing else, right?”

“Clarify.”

“You didn’t try to harvest my brain or anything, right?”

“Harvest your—”

“Spock.”

“I did not invade your privacy.”

“Okay.” Jim nodded. “I didn’t really think you would.”

“I would not.”

Jim smiled a little. “My present?”

“After you rest.”

“What? That wasn’t the deal.”

“If I give it to you now you will refuse to rest.” Of that Spock was certain.

“I’m not an invalid,” Jim protested.

“No, but you are important to me and I do not wish harm to come to you,” Spock said quietly.

Jim blinked. “Oh.”

“We are friends, are we not?”

For a moment, Jim simply stared at Spock, his expression almost as blank as a Vulcan’s. There was a sort of sorrow in the depths of his blue eyes, but Spock had noticed that same sorrow, loss, before. Very slowly he smiled. It didn’t wipe away that sorrow though. “Yes, Spock. Friends.” 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little lighter chapter

“You don’t look so good,” Bones declared from Jim’s PADD.

“Hello to you too, Bones.”

“You know what I mean. Your skin is red. Did you get burned?”

Jim sighed and leaned back against the headboard of the bed. “Just a little.”

“You used the cream?”

“Yep.”

“The sun goggles?”

“Yep.”

“The hat?”

Jim didn’t respond, just smiled.

“Damn it, Jim. I sent that with you because you need it.”

“I know. I’ll wear it.”

“When?”

“Next time.”

Bones narrowed his eyes. “You’re a damn fool. How are all the hobgoblins treating you?”

“Bones.”

He quirked a smile. “They can’t hear me.”

“Kindly. They’ve been very nice.”

“Vulcans nice?”

Jim laughed. “Yes. Geez, you’re a pain. You seen anyone? Talked to anyone?”

“Had dinner with Sulu and Chekov before I left San Francisco. They’re good and looking forward to the mission. Why have you been ignoring me anyway?”

“I wasn’t.”

“Don’t lie to your doctor. How are you feeling?”

“Fine. Stupid headaches. The sun’s too damn bright. And sometimes I can’t remember stupid shit I should.”

“All that’s normal.”

Jim frowned. “Maybe. But it’s not normal to be revived after dying from radiation poisoning. Did you know the old Spock did too?”

Bones nodded. “He made reference to it when he came to see you in the hospital. Any bad dreams?”

“A couple,” Jim admitted. “Dreams about dying.”

“And you’re really getting along with Spock?”

“Why wouldn’t I? We’re friends now.”

“Yeah, I know,” Bones said. “But you tend to fight even with your friends.”

“I do not.”

“I was a little surprised he invited you along. Well, then again, I wasn’t.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “You make about as much sense as usual, Bones.”

“Nah, it’s nothing. Look, I probably need to go, but not so long ignoring my messages next time. And if you run out of hypos, you have to come back to Earth. I don’t want you croaking on me after I went to the trouble of bringing you back.”

“All right, Bones.”

“And wear the damn hat, Jim. A picture or it didn’t happen.”

Jim laughed at that. God, he missed his friend. He loved Spock—not that he’d admit that out loud to anyone—but no one could make him laugh and feel cared for like Bones.

As soon as Bones disappeared from his PADD, Jim leaned his head back and closed his eyes. The headache was mostly gone, it was just a dull ache now at the temples.

There was a light tap at his door.

“Come.”

The door opened and Spock appeared holding a mug and a small wrapped book-shaped package.

“I heard you speaking so I knew you were awake,” Spock advised. He was dressed in Vulcan robes and Jim guessed he had likely been meditating. How Vulcans could stand to wear so many clothes in such a place, Jim would never understand. He was fortunate that Sarek had installed temperature controls in his home on New Vulcan so Jim was able to keep his room relatively cool.

“Talking to Bones.” He eyed the mug. “Coffee?”

“No, this is tea.” He handed the mug to Jim. “I thought at present it would be more beneficial to your welfare.”

Jim grimaced and took a sip of the overly spicy tea. He smiled at Spock though. “Thanks. Is that my present?”

“It is.” Spock sat on the edge of the bed and handed the parcel to Jim. “One of the council members offered it to me when we spoke. She had been informed of your fondness for books and recalled the book when I advised you had accompanied me.”

“Was she one of the ones brought on the Enterprise?”

“Affirmative. She said you spoke to her while she was on board and she remembered your kindness in the face of the destruction of Vulcan.”

Jim opened the parcel and it revealed the book. He smiled. “Tolstoy.”

“Indeed. War and Peace. Have you read it?”

“Yes. When I was a boy in Riverside.” Jim laughed. “I read a lot of books. Most of the kids my age thought I was crazy.”    

“They questioned your sanity because you found reading a pleasant activity?”

Jim laughed. “Well, not only that. But yeah.” He smoothed his fingers across the book. “This is great, Spock. Thank you. And thank the council member as well.”

“Your thanks are not necessary but appreciated.” Spock gazed at him intently. “How do you feel?”

“Better.”

“I do wish you would take your welfare more seriously.”

“You sound like Bones.”

“Dr. McCoy and I share concern for you, therefore, I will not take that as an insult.”

“Good,” Jim said with a smile. “Did you meditate?”

“Yes. And conduct some business related to our upcoming mission that I did not believe you needed to be bothered with.”

Jim felt warmth envelope him at Spock’s thoughtfulness. He never would have believed it when he first met Spock. Things had definitely changed between them. “Thanks.”

“I am only seeing to my duties as your first officer, Captain.”

“I know. Thanks just the same. Did you get a chance to speak with Uhura again?”

Spock rose from the bed. “Not since the other day. Why?”

Jim shrugged. “I just figured couples would want to keep in touch while apart.”

Spock nodded. “I see. I suppose that would be the case under normal human interactions.”

“But not with Vulcans, huh?” Jim smiled, shook his head. “Must be strange to be in romantic relationship with a human.”

Spock arched a brow. “It has its interesting aspects for certain. However, in the case of Nyota, we have recently concluded our romantic interest in each other.”

Jim blinked, shook his head, blinked again. “You mean, you broke up?”

“That is what I said. Do you intend to stay here or come out to the living area?”

Jim was still processing the end of Spock’s relationship with Uhura to change so quickly. “Out there I guess. Wait, are you…are you okay?”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. You know, do you want to talk about it or whatever.”

Spock was almost frowning. “I fail to see the point of talking about it. It would not alter the outcome.”

“Well, no,” Jim agreed. “But sometimes, you know, after, humans like to get their feelings out and—”

Spock arched a brow.

“Er.” Jim laughed. “Yeah. I don’t know what I was thinking, Spock.” He rose from the bed. “I don’t suppose we’re having hamburgers for dinner.”

“We are not. I can attempt to replicate you some sort of synthetic meat.”

Jim grimaced as he followed Spock out of his room, clutching the book and the mug of spiced tea. “As, um, appetizing as that might seem, I think I’ll stick with the vegetarian Vulcan fare.”

“It would be wise,” Spock agreed.  


	11. Chapter 11

Spock did not know when he began to pay a more certain attention to his captain. It was not when he died as some, like Nyota, might believe. It was before that. Almost from the beginning of their acquaintance, Spock had found his gaze drawn to the man.

Certainly he watched him for signs of distress more since his accident. He was attuned to every breath, every blink the captain made. His deeper regard had begun to concern him even before he’d made the unfortunate decision to end his relationship with Nyota.

Now as Jim sat on the couch with his attention completely riveted to the book Spock had presented him with, Spock had rather free reign to watch Jim.

There were definite signs of frailty and fatigue. Dark smudges under his blue eyes, heavier, more labored breathing even at rest. Spock wondered if bringing Jim with him to New Vulcan had been the best choice for Jim. Though illogical, Spock had wanted his captain near him. Especially after Nyota had wisely turned down his invitation to accompany him. She knew, Spock speculated. Even before he had fully acknowledged it himself.

“More tea?”

Jim’s lashes lifted and his gaze moved away from the book to rest on Spock. His lips curved into a faint smile. “Tea? No, thank you, Mr. Spock.”

“You would prefer coffee?”

“No. I mean, yes. But it’s getting late and I should probably go to bed. What time are we going to the city?”

“There is a small vegetarian restaurant there I thought we would try for breakfast if you are amenable.”

“I’m really impressed Vulcans have come so far in their rebuilding.” Jim’s smile widened. “I know. It’s only logical.” He rose from the couch and set the book down on the table. He lifted his arms into the air and stretched up, yawning loudly, his back cracking as he did so. But it was Jim’s stomach Spock watched because as he stretched, the hem of the shirt he wore crept up revealing bare, toned abdominal muscles.

“Do you need any shots?” Spock asked.

“No, I think I’m okay for now.” Jim walked past him. “See you in the morning. Night.”

“Good night, Jim.”

Spock made himself another cup of tea and he was just finishing it when his father emerged from his meditation. “Tea, Father?”

“Negative. Your captain has retired?”

“Yes. We plan to go to the city early in the morning. Will you accompany us?”

His father shook his head. “I have business at home to attend to in the morning.”

“Very well.”

“He seemed pleased with the book.”

“He was.”

“Are you intending to court him?” Sarek asked bluntly.

Spock looked away from his father’s too perceptive gaze. “I had not thought to do so.”

“You do not have feelings for him?”

“Feelings are illogical. I admire his abilities as my commanding officer.”

Sarek arched a brow. “And that is all that you admire in him?”

Spock hesitated. “Perhaps not.”

“From my observations I believe he also admires many of your qualities.”

Spock met his father’s gaze. “May I infer if I did decide to pursue my admiration of Jim, you would not disapprove?”

“To disapprove would be illogical,” his father said. “You are more than of age to choose your own path in life.”

“Affirmative,” Spock acknowledged. “Still I am curious to have your thoughts.”

“As I indicated to you earlier, a human mate is challenging.  It is not, however, without certain rewards. If it is not your intention to seek a female mate in order to increase the species, then I can find no objection to your choice of Captain Kirk.”

“You and I have already discussed the other. All tests indicate that it would be futile.”

His father nodded. “I am aware. I seek rest. Goodnight, Spock.”

“Rest well, Father.”

****

“I look ridiculous,” Jim complained for the fourth time since they left Spock’s father’s house.

Spock did not reply, as he had not for the last two times before.

Jim wore a long sleeved shirt with his light weight cotton trousers. The sun goggles protected his eyes and nearly half his face, and then over his blond hair was the large hat McCoy had given to them before they departed. It had a huge sunshade brim wrapped all the way around the hat.

“I might as well be wearing headgear.”

“That could have been arranged if you had informed us of your preferences while still on Earth.”

“Funny.”

“I was not making an attempt at humor.”

Jim sighed. “Because humor eludes you. They are going to laugh at me.”

”Who?”

“Everyone in the city.”

Spock shook his head. “They will not. I have never seen any Vulcan laugh. I doubt this will occur today.”

Jim exhaled. “All right. I know when I’m beat.”

“If you require rest—”

“Spock,” Jim growled. “When are we going to reach this restaurant? I’m hungry.”

”We will be there within the next ten minutes, Jim.”

“Good. Sorry I’m a little grumpy, Spock.”

“Are you unwell?”

“Not exactly. I didn’t sleep well.”

“You were restless?”

“Nightmares.”

“Before you said you did not suffer from a lot of dreams.”

Jim nodded. “Right. Well, guess that’s been changing. I had several last night.”

“And may I inquire to their nature?”

Jim’s steps faltered just a little and Spock reached out to steady him. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Just a lot of…death. Bad. I don’t want to remember them.”

“Very well.” Spock moved his hand from Jim’s arm and his fingers slipped down from the sleeve of Jim’s shirt to his bare wrist. Anxiety flared from the contact. Nervousness. Discomfort. Extreme worry.

Jim moved away from Spock then, turning to face front. “Forget all that. Let’s just find the restaurant.”  


	12. Chapter 12

Jim knew that the proprietors of the Vulcan restaurant were surprised to see Spock accompanied by a human, but they seated them at a little table in the back without comment.

Jim was used to not being welcome so he didn’t really pay too much attention to it. He also knew at times Spock was made to feel inferior due to his half-human heritage. As far as Jim was concerned, Spock was inferior to no one.

He had removed the floppy hat and sun goggles and set them on the empty chair next to him. He had plans to get even with Bones next time he saw him. Bones was probably having way too much fun at his expense.

“I suppose they won’t have coffee, huh?” Jim asked. The menu was in Golic Vulcan, but Jim knew how to read it well enough.

“They will not,” Spock said. “I apologize.”

“No big deal. I’ll have some when we get back.”

“There have been more non-Vulcans coming here lately to help with building the colony, so they are adjusting to this. Perhaps next time, they will include non-Vulcan food and beverages in their choices.”

Jim nodded. “I imagine they’ve had to do a lot of adjustments since the destruction of Vulcan.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed.

A tall, very thin Vulcan male came to take their order. He did not seem particularly happy to have to wait on them, but neither did he seem particularly unhappy. He moved away after bringing them tea. Jim chose his to be iced while Spock had hot.

“How long do you plan to stay on New Vulcan?” Jim asked, sipping his tea out of a very elaborate strange blue straw. The idea of hot tea in a place as hot as New Vulcan was rather scary. Jim felt like he was on fire most of the time unless he was in his room at Sarek’s.

“You are anxious to return to Earth?”

Well, yeah he was, but he wasn’t going to say that. So, instead, he smiled. “No, no. Just wondering.”

“If it is too uncomfortable for you, we can arrange for you to take a shuttle sooner back to Earth.”

“Spock, it’s not. Honest. I just wondered if you planned to stay until it was time for the mission or what.”

Spock shook his head. “I do not. But I would find it agreeable to stay another two weeks. However, there is no requirement for you to stay an additional two weeks.”

Instead of further argument, which often led to frustration where Spock was concerned, Jim simply smiled. “Okay.”

The waiter appeared with their breakfasts and they lapsed into silence as they ate but Jim was aware that Spock’s gaze was often on him.

Finally, he could not stand it. “What, Spock?”

 “You are not used to this atmosphere and your breathing is irregular,” Spock said quietly. “I am concerned for your well-being.”

“I’m fine. I gave myself a shot before we left.”

“I believe we should contact Dr. McCoy.”

Jim frowned. “About what?”

“Perhaps the dosages of the hyposprays were not correct—”

“Spock.”

Spock blinked. “Captain?”

“Is this your way of telling me you want me to leave?” Jim asked quietly.

For a long time, Spock simply stared at him. “No.” Before Jim could say anything else, Spock said, “However, I do not want you to become ill because I wish your company. If returning to Earth under the supervisory care of Dr. McCoy is under your best interests, then that is what I want.”

“I see.”

“I am also concerned about the increased frequency of your unpleasant dreams.”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, I get it, Spock.”

“What precisely do you get?”

Feeling a knot forming in his gut, Jim shrugged. “I’m more trouble than you expected when you invited me to come with you.”

Spock’s dark eyes turned almost sad. “No, that is not it at all. Were I to be given a choice, I would prefer you were to never leave my side.”

And just like that, Jim’s heart leapt into his throat and he couldn’t get words to form. He shook his head.

“If you will excuse me, Captain, I am having difficulty with my control.” Spock stood and walked away from their table, presumably to leave the restaurant.

Jim waited a few minutes but when it didn’t seem like Spock was coming back soon, he called the waiter over and paid with his credit chip. Neither of them had eaten much of their breakfast but Jim was fairly certain Spock wouldn’t want what was left anyway, so he rose, picked up his hat and goggles from the chair, and left the restaurant in search of Spock.

Jim was pretty sure Spock wouldn’t go far, since he wouldn’t leave Jim alone in a strange place. So, he was not surprised to spot Spock standing nearby next to a small display of desert plants.

“I apologize for my early departure and the unpleasantness of the conversation,” Spock said at once.

Jim attempted a smile. “You’re forgiven for both.”

“Apparently I am still somewhat disturbed by the circumstances surrounding your health.”

“Hey,” Jim said softy. “I died. That’s pretty disturbing from where I am too.”

Spock nodded and exhaled slowly. “Jim, I do not want you to leave.”

“I know. And I’m not going anywhere.” Jim strapped the sun goggles over his eyes and then placed the floppy hat on his head. “Though honestly I am not thrilled with everyone seeing me like this so maybe we can keep the public appearances to a minimum.”

Spock arched a brow, his lips twitching very slightly. “That can be arranged. There are only a few places I thought might prove of interest to you here. If you are ready to proceed, shall we?”

****

“I’m really impressed at how far they’ve come on building New Vulcan ,” Jim told Spock a couple of hours later as they made their way back to Sarek’s house. “I never made it to Vulcan but the city seems similar to some that I’ve seen in historical data.”

“Indeed. They did try to replicate it as best they could,” Spock replied. “As I said, it is not quite the same, but it is close, and to be sentimental about our lost planet would be illogical.”

“Yeah. And it’s the loss of the people that matter, more than anything. Still, it would be devastating to lose the planet. So much history and culture.”  Jim sighed. “I know, Vulcans aren’t sentimental.”

“We are not. Yet I cannot say what you say is incorrect about our loss either.”

Jim nodded. Sweat was now trickling down his neck and he wanted nothing more than a cold drink and a sonic shower. He could feel the effects of the heat and the excess physical exertion. He was trying not to show it to Spock, knowing his stoic first officer was already concerned.

They only had a short distance to go when Jim noticed Spock was staring at him intently.

“What?”

“You are bright red.”

“Yeah, I’m hot and sweaty. That’s actually a human’s way of trying to cool down. It’s not long now.”

“You will need another shot.”

“Probably.” He was feeling a little woozy. He stopped for a moment and swayed. “Sorry, just gotta catch my breath.”

“I let you get overheated,” Spock said, flatly, looking very unhappy. He took Jim’s arm. “I will assist you the rest of the way.”

“And how are you gonna do that? Carry me?”

“If required, yes.”

Jim shook his head and took a step and swayed again. Then suddenly his world tilted and he was lifted into Spock’s arms, sort of like a bride.

“Spock, you can’t carry me.”

“I can.”

“Well, I mean, yeah physically, but come on.”

Spock began to walk with Jim firmly held in his arms. “I think it is better this way. It will be faster.”

“Oh, my God, if anyone sees this…” Jim looped his arms around Spock’s neck and buried his head against Spock. “Do not tell Bones.”

“I am not in the habit of divulging unnecessary information to Dr. McCoy.”

“Well, thank God for small favors.” Jim wouldn’t admit it but it felt amazing to be held in Spock’s arms like this. “There’s the house. You can put me down.”

“Negative.”

Despite his protests, Spock carried him to the house and only set him down when they were at the door. As he did, he dislodged the floppy hat, which hit the ground. Jim still had his arms looped around Spock’s neck to steady himself. He removed the offending goggles, looked down at the hat, and then up at Spock. That’s when he realized how close their faces were to each other, specifically their lips.

He really, really wanted to kiss Spock. His lips were chapped and his upper lip beaded with sweat, but he leaned toward Spock anyway.

The door opened and Sarek stepped outside.

Jim dropped his hands from around Spock’s neck so fast he stumbled backward a little but steadied himself before Spock could lunge for him.

Sarek did not react to any of it. He merely said, “Ah, you are back.”


	13. Chapter 13

Jim was grateful for the sonic shower, even if he wished he’d been able to use water instead. He was aware New Vulcan was strict on water conservation, however.

He felt much better than he had all day in the insufferable heat and for a few minutes he lay on his bed with only a towel wrapped around his waist. At least his room was tolerably cool. Jim had a tendency to be hot all the time, which of course did not serve him well on such an arid planet.

After a while he got up and pulled on loose fitting pants and a T-Shirt. He stopped to analyze his action with regard to Spock. He had been about to kiss his Vulcan first officer and it was probably a good thing Sarek interrupted him. There had been little indication from Spock that he would welcome Jim kissing him. What would Spock have done if Jim had gone through with it? Probably he would have gotten all stiff and polite and told Jim to keep his human lips to himself.

Jim pushed aside his stupid thoughts and exited his room. He didn’t see Spock anywhere, but Sarek stood in the kitchen making himself tea.

“Spock is meditating.” Sarek said before Jim could ask. “Your coffee is brewing.”

“Thank you.”

“Your thanks are not necessary. I heard your shower end.”

“Still it was thoughtful, so thanks.”

Sarek inclined his head. “You are having difficulty with the atmosphere here.”

“A little yeah. Plus I guess my lungs are a little weaker since…” Jim trailed off.

“Your death,” Sarek supplied.

Jim smiled a little. Poured himself coffee. “Yeah. I think sometimes it bothers Spock to talk about it.”

“To avoid it is illogical. Dr. McCoy has advised you of your lungs weaker capacity?”

“Yeah. The radiation poisoning. The super serum revived me, obviously, but I still have consequences. He’s hoping that eventually my lungs will improve.”

“I imagine there are treatments that can give you improvement.”

“Exactly. I’ll go through some therapy before the mission.”

Sarek nodded. “Spock will be gratified to know you are going to get treatment for it.”

His smile widened. “I know he seems to worry about me.”

“It is understandable under the circumstances,” Sarek replied.

“Is it?”

Sarek sipped his tea. “If you will excuse me, I have a few items to take care of before I go to the city.”

“Uh, sure.” Jim shook his head as Sarek went into his study. Clearly he hadn’t wanted to expand on what he’d meant about Spock and circumstances.

He returned to the couch and his book while he waited for Spock to be finished with his meditation.

****

Cool fingers stroked across his jaw, cheeks, and forehead. Jim blinked rapidly, become aware only very slowly. He was lying on the couch and Spock was once more kneeling beside him. Spock’s face was Vulcan blank, but there was a soft warmth in his brown eyes.  

“Hey.”

“I did not wish to disturb your slumber but Dr. McCoy wishes to be in contact.”

Jim yawned and struggled to sit up. “How long was I asleep?’

“Two point four hours.”

“Geez, sorry.”

“Why do you apologize? You obviously required sleep to rejuvenate your body.”

“Did your dad leave?”

Spock nodded. “He left an hour ago. He will not be back until late. We have received an invitation to dine with Selek at his home.”

Jim smiled. “Yeah? Do you mind?”

“If it will please you, I am amenable.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck. “And what does Bones want?”

“I presume he wishes to check up on you. I believe he is not convinced I am an appropriate caregiver for you.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t actually need a caregiver. But okay, I’ll go talk to him on the terminal in your father’s study if that’s okay.”

“Of course. He did tell you that you were welcome to use it.”

Jim smiled. “Thanks, Spock. You can listen if you want. I've got nothing to hide from you.”

He was not at all surprised when Spock took him up on that and followed him into the study. After a few minutes, Bones’ scowling face appeared.

“About time. Do I have to make it an order that you contact me every day?”

“I outrank you,” Jim pointed out.

“Not medically. What’s Spock doing there?”

“I told him he could be in here and listen to your yammering.”

“Fine. He probably should be anyway.  When are you returning to Earth?” Bones asked.

With a quick glance at Spock, Jim replied, “Well, Spock wants to stay another couple of weeks.”

“And you two are joined at the hip of course.” Bones rolled his eyes. “Fine, but then we need to get more supplies to you. I’ll arrange it to come by shuttle as soon as I can.”

“Perhaps you can give him a higher dose in the hyposprays, doctor,” Spock spoke up.

“Is there a problem?”

“The captain has particular difficulty outdoors.”

“Well, then the answer to that is stay indoors, isn't it?” Bones shook his head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like _idiot_.

“I get bored,” Jim protested.

“Well, gee, do you think it’s because Vulcans aren't exactly about having fun?’

“Bones.”

“Fine, I’ll adjust the levels. Maybe send over a few other kinds to try. Are you wearing the hat and goggles?”

Jim made a face. “Yeah. But really, do they have to be so damn hideous?’

Bones smirked. “I picked those out myself.”

“Damn it! I knew it. You gave me those to make me look like a fool.”

“You generally don’t need my help for that, Jim. Besides, those are exactly what you need for that place, so stop whining. You aren't there to win any beauty contests.”

“Is there anything else, doctor?” Spock asked, clearly trying to steer the conversation back to where he believed it should be.

“No that’s it for now. I’ll report on the supplies tomorrow. Jim, if you have any other issues, tell me.”

“He is experiencing more frequent nightmares,” Spock said.

“Spock!”

Spock arched a brow. “It is illogical to not speak the truth.”

“That’s probably pretty normal. If they get really bad, let me know,” Bones said.

“All right,” Jim agreed. “Talk soon. Kirk out.”

Jim leaned back in Sarek’s chair. “Well, that was relatively painless.”

“You do not have to stay the entire two weeks,” Spock said.

Jim sighed, ran his fingers through his hair. “I know, you told me. I want to stay. Remember when you said you would prefer for me to never leave your side?” Jim stood and he took the few steps over to where Spock stood. “It’s the same for me, Spock. You said we’re friends, right? I don’t have a lot of friends. Not real ones, anyway. So, yeah, I want to stay here with you. Can you stop suggesting I leave? Or do you really want me to go?”

Spock stared at him for so long, Jim very nearly turned away, afraid of what Spock would say. But then he spoke very quietly, “I do not want you to leave.”

Jim blew out a breath. His chest felt lighter and his heart slowed its too rapid pace. He placed his hand on Spock’s chest. He smiled. “Good. We've gotten that straightened out then.”

“We have, yes.”

“When are we supposed to go to Selek’s?”

“I believe his exact words were…any time.”

Jim removed his hand from Spock’s chest, reluctantly. He wanted to keep touching Spock. Touching him soothed Jim, gave him a feeling of security he could not explain. But Spock wouldn’t appreciate Jim touching him without reason.

“Okay then.” Jim smiled as brightly as he knew how. “Shall we?”   


	14. Chapter 14

“I can’t believe you made me wear these,” Jim complained just before they reached Selek’s home. He snatched off the hat and goggles prematurely.

“Dr. McCoy’s instructions were quite clear,” Spock reminded him.

“Bones isn’t even here.”

“Nevertheless I have been charged with your care. You overheat easily.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jim grumbled. “I had a shot.”

They reached the door and Spock tapped lightly on it. It was opened only a moment later. Jim instantly brightened.

“Hey, thanks for having us,” Jim greeted Selek with a quick hug. Spock noticed that Selek did not seem to object to the physical contact at all.

“It is entirely my pleasure, Jim,” Selek replied, drawing Jim into the house with an arm around Jim’s waist. “Hello, Spock.”

“Good evening,” Spock said coolly.

Selek noticed the hat and goggles clutched in Jim’s hands. “That is the hat you spoke of during your last visit?”

“Yes. Hideous, isn’t it?”

“While its attractiveness is in question, its practical purpose is admirable. We are all concerned for your welfare, especially after your recent bout with radiation poisoning,” Selek said.

Jim grimaced and seemed to deflate a bit. “Yeah, you are right. I know I’m being whiny.”

Spock opened his mouth to ask Jim why he listened to Selek and not him, but closed it, deciding it was illogical to feel jealous of his counterpart.

“Come, I am still preparing our meal,” Selek said, finally releasing Jim and heading into the kitchen.

Jim sat at the same stool he’d sat at the last time he was here and Spock sat next to him, scooting as close to Jim as he could. Logically, Spock knew there was no threat to Jim, but logic seemed to have little to do with Jim Kirk.

Selek placed coffee in front of Jim and tea in front of Spock.

“If you would prefer some other beverage, I will obtain it for you,” Selek offered.

“No, this is great. Hey, what are we having?”

“Spock and I are having a vegetarian dish that is common in Vulcan culture, but I have been able to replicate a hamburger for you, Jim.”

Jim’s mouth hung open. “Yeah? Really? But, it’s taste…”

Selek shrugged. “I am not certain as I do not consume meat. But it smells like those I have smelled in the past.”

Jim grinned. “That’s awesome.”

Spock sniffed. “Yes, it is remarkably thoughtful of you.”

“It was little trouble,” Selek insisted. “I worked with a programmer from Earth to replicate some human preferred cuisine. I myself got used to the taste of many dishes and even preferred them. Most humans find our dishes quite bland.”

“I don’t mind some of them,” Jim said, taking a swallow of his coffee. “Most of it is better than those replicated eggs Spock made me the other day.”

“I doubt that my father had a special programmer from Earth work on his replicator,” Spock replied.

Jim smiled. “Oh, yeah, I know. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

Jim patted Spock’s leg and the brief contact soothed him. Not quite as soothing as his touch to Spock’s chest from earlier, but it would do for the moment.

“It will be several moments before I have everything prepared. If you would like to go look at the garden, Jim, now might be a good time. I have made progress since you were here.”

Jim was already sliding off his stool.

“I will go too,” Spock said, following his captain outside.

As soon as they were outside, Jim bent down to survey seedlings that Selek had planted.

“Do you know about gardening?” Spock asked.

Jim shrugged and stood up. “Not really. But it can’t be that hard to learn. I can read about it. Plus, I’m sure Selek will tell me what I need to know.”

“You grew up on a farm.”

“Yeah, kind of. But it wasn’t really operated like one. Frank spent more time drinking than anything. And Mom…she wasn’t there. There was no way Sam and I were going to do any farming.”

“You do not speak of your brother a lot.”

Jim sighed. “Not much to say. I haven’t seen him in years. He left me to deal with Frank. He couldn’t deal with a drunken asshole who beat us, so he took off and never looked back. Didn’t really give a shit about me.”

“You have not seen him since?” Spock wondered.

“A few times. Mostly when I had to bail him out of jail.”

“I did not realize your home life was so bad,” Spock admitted softly.

“Yeah. It was what it was. Can’t change anything by dwelling on it.”

Spock studied Jim for a long time. He did not miss the sadness in his blue eyes or the weariness. “Is your stepfather still alive?”

“If he hasn’t drunk himself to death, yeah. Not sure where though. He lost the house in Riverside a few years ago. I don’t keep track of him.”

Spock made a note to check into Jim’s stepfather’s whereabouts. He did not want the chance of the man ever coming near his captain.

He wasn’t sure if he took a step closer or Jim did but he could feel Jim’s hot breath on his face. Without really thinking about the logic of it, Spock lifted his hand to frame Jim’s jaw. There was light stubble on his face.

“You look exhausted,” Spock said softly. “There are dark smudges under your eyes.”

“I know. I always feel tired. It frustrates me.”

“I suspect your sleep is interrupted more than you realize.”

“Maybe.” Jim exhaled slowly. “That’s nice.”

“What is?”

“Your fingers on my face. It’s like…I don’t know. It calms me. But it’s more than that. I can’t explain it.” Jim closed his eyes briefly and seemed to lean into Spock’s hand. He opened his eyes and looked into Spock’s. “Why is it like that? Why is it your touch I crave?”

Spock felt his heart beat increase in his side. There was a flutteriness in his stomach. Humans called them butterflies, illogically. “I do not know. It is the same for me.”

“Yeah?” Jim whispered. “So, if I wanted to kiss you—”

Spock ran his thumb across Jim’s lips, then dropped his hand from Jim’s face and reached for Jim’s hand. He touched his index and middle fingers to Jim’s. “This is a Vulcan kiss.”

Jim licked his lips, shuddered. “I know.”

There was a sound from within, very close, like something being dropped and it startled both of them. Their hands parted and Jim stepped back. Swallowed visibly.

Jim ran his hand through his hair. “Guess we should go back inside.”

“Yes,” Spock agreed, but not before he briefly brushed his fingers against Jim’s again.  


	15. Chapter 15

Jim found Selek in his room when he entered the house. He left Spock in the kitchen preparing more tea and went in search of the older Vulcan when he was not in the immediate area.

“Spock…Selek.” Jim shook his head. “ _Ah, hell_. Spock, are you all right?”

Selek stiffened but he didn't turn around. He was standing by a dresser in the corner of the small room, holding something.

“I heard a crash.”

“Yes, I apologize. I dropped a dish. My hands are not as steady as they once were.”

Jim touched his shoulder. “It’s okay. I drop stuff all the time. You’re not upset, are you? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?”

“I did not.” Finally Selek turned around. He held a small pendant in his hands.

Jim’s gaze went to it. He’d seen the old Vulcan wearing it before. “What is that?”

“A memento from another time and place.”

“It’s from him, right?” Jim asked, noting the sadness in Selek’s eyes.

“Yes. There are times when I need the comfort it provides me with. I have grown sentimental and illogical in my old age, Jim.”

“I wish you didn't have to be alone.”

Selek exhaled very slowly and tucked the pendant away into a pocket of the robe he wore. “I have been alone for longer than I care to think about. Living as long as Vulcans do has advantages. Outliving your human bondmate is a disadvantage for certain.”

Jim's eyes fill with tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Do not be. Though you rightly belong to another Spock, I am comforted by your existence in this universe.”

“Is everything all right?” Spock asked from the doorway.

Jim turned and wiped his eyes. “Yeah.”

Spock went to his side and stared at Jim’s face. He glanced at Selek with accusation and then back to Jim. “Have you been harmed?”

“No,” Jim replied with a shake of his head.

“You are distressed.”

Selek seemed to straighten. “I am the last one who would harm him, I assure you.”

“Indeed.”

“Your protectiveness, while admirable and understandable, is misguided in this.”

Jim decided taking charge of two Vulcans was in order, so he took Spock’s arm and indicated that they should return to the main room. Selek followed after him.

“If you will be seated at the table, I will serve our dinner,” Selek told them.

Jim and Spock sat, but Jim was aware that Spock was still staring at him intently. “I’m okay.”

“You were crying,” Spock pointed out.

“I’m still okay.” Jim squeezed Spock’s fingers.

Spock seemed at least somewhat mollified as Selek came to the table with their food. He placed the hamburger in front of Jim and some weird purple dish in front of Spock and the seat he would be occupying.

Selek poured all three of them cold tea and then took his seat. “What are your plans for tomorrow, Jim?”

“I don’t have any really. Want me to come by and help you with the garden?”

Selek’s eyes crinkled as he smiled very slightly. “That would be most agreeable.”

Jim turned to Spock. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“I do not,” Spock replied. “Provided you are properly attired in the hat and goggles.”

Jim grimaced but with both Vulcans giving him rather pointed looks, he conceded, “Yeah, I will.”

He picked up the hamburger and took a bite, aware that they were both watching him. An interesting thing being the center of attention to two Spocks. Jim liked it.

He blinked, stared at the burger, chewed some more, took another bite.

“Well?” Selek prompted.

“Hell, it’s good,” Jim said, his mouth full, which earned him a reproving look from Spock.  He almost laughed at that. When they were done with dinner at Selek’s he and Spock were going to be having a talk about them. And yes, Jim knew there would be a “them”. He was nervous and elated and…well nervous again. But it was a good kind of nervous. Spock had kissed him. More than that he’d felt so many emotions from Spock during their contact it had been staggering. He really wanted to be alone with Spock that moment but that would be rude to Selek.

“I am pleased that it turned out well,” Selek said.

“Me too,” Jim said enthusiastically. “Can you replicate bacon? How about a steak?’

“Jim.”

He rolled his eyes at Spock. “I’m not saying I’d eat bacon and steak every day. What are you? Bones?”

Spock arched his brow at that but said nothing further on the matter. Which of course made Jim feel a little guilty. He enjoyed his burger just the same.

****

By the time they left to return to Sarek’s home, it was cooler and the sun was no longer beating down on them so Jim did not wear the hat and goggles. Spock was quiet, though he walked very close to Jim.

“You aren't jealous of him, really, are you?”

“You refer to my counterpart?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah, who else?”

“We were also recently discussing Dr. McCoy.”

“There is no way you could be jealous of Bones.”

But Spock did not reply to that and Jim got a little queasy feeling in his stomach.

“You are?”

Spock gave a little shrug. “He seems to know more about you than I ever will. It is illogical to find your closeness alarming, however.”

“Spock, there’s…there’s nothing between Bones and me. Not that way. He’s just…known me longer. And knows more of my past.”

“A past you are largely unwilling to share with me.”

“It’s not that. I don’t like talking about it. It’s the past. What good does it do to keep bringing it up?”

“I see.”

Jim sighed. “No, you don’t. But I promise Spock, it’s not because I trust Bones more or share something more with him than I do with you.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

“What about Selek?”

Spock hesitated and continued to walk without responding for a couple of minutes. Jim began to think he wouldn’t answer.

“He had a relationship with his James Kirk that I, until very recently, did not believe I would ever have.”

“You know they were together?”

“Yes. At first he was vague about it, but not vague enough that I did not guess the nature of their closeness.”

Jim bit his lip and nodded. “And you were with Nyota.”

“My relationship with Nyota began before we ever met, Jim. And the initial meeting between you and me did not go well.”

“To put it mildly.”

“The depths of my feelings for Nyota have long been in question. She feels the same about her feelings for me. And those doubts increased as my regard for you became more…prominent.”

Jim said nothing to this. He felt raw, exposed, way more than he liked, if he were honest. It was better to hide the pain, the love, it was so much easier to pretend.

“My counterpart sees Jim Kirk when he looks at you. And Jim Kirk was his bondmate. I do not blame him, but given my own interest, I am uncomfortable with it.”

They had reached Sarek’s house so they said nothing further as they entered. Jim didn’t even stop in the main area, just went straight to the room he was given and he knew Spock would follow him.

He closed the door after Spock entered and for a long time they just stared at each other.

“My discomfort with his feelings for you are no reflection on you,” Spock said softly. “It is something I must learn to control.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. Because I really like him, Spock. And even though if you asked me not to see him, I wouldn’t, I’d be very unhappy.”

Spock shook his head. “I would not.”

Jim smiled. “I think we have something to talk about, don’t we?”

“You refer to the fact I kissed you?”

Jim noticed the tips of Spock’s pointy had darkened. “I would have kissed you.” He stepped close to Spock. Physical contact he could do. That was easy. “I want to kiss you now.”

Spock lifted his hand toward Jim’s and Jim touched his fingers.

“That’s nice,” Jim said. “That’s really nice. But, you see…every time I look at your lips—” He trailed off. Jim reached up to touch Spock’s lips with his fingertips. “I want them on mine. God, Spock, I need them.”


	16. Chapter 16

Spock stroked his fingers across Jim’s jaw. His gaze went to Jim’s mouth, even as he fought the tremble that seemed to quake through his body at Jim’s fingertips feathering over Spock’s lips.

“Jim,” Spock said, leaning his forehead against the other man’s. “You are exhausted. I feel your fatigue like a physical blow.” And it was true. That Jim was still upright based on what Spock could feel when they touched had to be from the stubborn man’s sheer will.

“Does that mean you won’t kiss me?” Jim asked, his voice cracked just a little on the word kiss. Jim shook in Spock’s arms.

“Come.” He drew Jim to his bed and gently laid him down on his back. Spock lay next to him, leaning over the other man. “Your ever increasing fatigue concerns me.”

“I’m fine,” Jim insisted. “Just a long day.”

“I still wish to communicate with Dr. McCoy tomorrow.”

“I’ll agree if you kiss me,” Jim said with a teasing smile. “You do human kiss. I’ve seen you kissing her.”

“Jim,” Spock said softly. He gave Jim a very gentle kiss. “I do not want to talk about others.”

Jim’s blue eyes went hazy for a second, almost reminding Spock of a time he wished to forget, but then they refocused. He shook his head. “Yeah. I don’t want to think about you with her. Seeing you with her…it was worse than dying.”

And the emotional pain Spock could feel from his contact with Jim’s skin was intense, potent, anguish, sorrow. He could not bear it.

Spock covered Jim’s lips with his and Jim moaned into the kiss, Jim’s fingers spearing through Spock’s hair. It was not like kissing Nyota. Nyota had been pleasing. But this…this was not at all the same.

He closed his eyes, heard moaning, knew it came from deep within himself. He pulled Jim close, held him tight against him. There would be time for them, time for exploration, because Jim was alive. Jim was here with Spock and Spock, logical or not, was glad of it beyond measure.

Jim’s tongue slid past Spock’s lips and he felt his own arousal reaching a feverish pitch. He had to stop this. He would not harm Jim.

Spock broke the kiss even as Jim whimpered in protest. “Jim, you must rest.”

“Come on, Spock.”

“I will not harm you because we are too eager to wait until a more suitable time.”

“You gotta be kidding me.”

“I am not. Dr. McCoy charged me with your care and we are to be cautious with physical activity.”

“But sex—”

Spock kissed him quiet. “Will you do this for me? Will you sleep?”

Jim closed his eyes. “Fuck.”

“Jim.”

“Fine.”

“I am not trying to punish you,” Spock said, taking Jim’s hand. “You are precious to me.”

Jim’s eyes went soft and dreamy. “Yeah?”

“More than you know.”

Jim sighed. “Will you stay with me then? I don’t want to sleep alone. You can meditate first if you want.”

Spock shook his head. “I do not need to. I meditated before we went for dinner at Selek’s home. I only need to retrieve my sleeping robe.”

“Or you could sleep naked.” Jim waggled his eyebrows.

Spock rose from the bed, choosing to ignore that. “Do you need help in removing your own clothes?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

He exited Jim’s room and went to his own. He changed into a sleeping robe quickly. His fingers stopped on the extra one in his closet and for some illogical reason the image of Jim wearing one of Spock’s sleeping robes entered his mind and he could not push the image away. He pulled it off the hanger and went back to Jim’s room.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed wearing only his boxer briefs. He yawned as Spock came into the room.

“Hey. I like you in your robe.”

Spock held up the second robe. “If you will not be too warm, I would like you to wear this.”

Jim smiled crookedly. “You want us to wear matching sleep robes?”

“If you prefer—”

Jim snatched it out of Spock’s fingers. “Shut up. I wanna.”

He stood up and pulled the robe on over his head. He grinned and spun around. “Well? What do you think?”

Spock’s heart constricted in his side and he reached for Jim to pull him close. “I think it fits you perfect.”

****

“No! No! No!”

Spock woke to loud, horrifying screams from Jim. His heart pounded fast and hard. He came awake immediately and scrambled to reach for Jim.

“Get away! Get Away!” Jim’s eyes were open and wide but he seemed not to recognize Spock as he tried desperately to get away from Spock.

“Jim.” Spock said, grasping his arms and shaking him. “Captain. Jim, wake up.”

With a shattered breath, Jim gasped and shook all over, his face white in the partially lit room. He blinked rapidly and then focused on Spock’s face. “Spock?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize. Are you well?”

Jim licked his lips and shook his head, flopping down on his back. “I don’t know. God.”

Spock placed his hand on Jim’s stomach. He wished to feel skin, so he could be comforted by the touch, but he did not push it. He would only take what Jim would allow.

“Would it help to tell me of your dream?”

“I was on Tarsus. There was this…small boy. Like four years old.” Jim’s voice sounded hollow, distant. “I wanted to give him food. He was hungry, crying. Kodos had one of his soldiers execute him right in front of me.”

Spock was unsure what to say in the face of something so unspeakable. He did not think saying _“it was only a dream”_ was correct. “This happened while you were there, did it not?”

“Yes,” Jim whispered. “He was so little and so afraid. He just wanted a piece of bread, Spock. And they butchered him.”

The agitation Spock felt was so palpable, he could wait no longer. He slipped his hand into the part of Jim’s robe and rested his hand on his captain’s bare stomach. He projected as much surface calm as he could.

Jim’s gaze went from staring at the ceiling to Spock. “Thank you. I don’t know what you did, but that’s a little better.”

“No one should have gone through all the things you have had to face, ashaya.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. My life was no worse than some.”

“How often do you dream of Tarsus?”

“Not that often any more. I used to dream a lot about it when I first got back. But it’s been years.”

“And you dream of other memories also?”

Jim nodded. “Yeah. Dying. Pike dying. Stuff…stuff with you.”

“Stuff?”

He looked away to the ceiling again. “No, it’s nothing.”

“Jim.”

“Just…seeing you with her…sometimes…I couldn’t…I couldn’t.” Jim closed his eyes, shook his head.

The emotional turmoil coming from contact with Jim was so intense, so strong, so deeply hurt and lost that Spock moved his hand from Jim, unable to control his own shields from the onslaught. “I am sorry to have caused you such grievous pain.”

“We all have our crosses to bear, Spock. You are not responsible for loving someone other than me.”

Jim’s words pained him, but he had not response, so Spock looped his arm around Jim’s waist. “Do you think you can sleep additional time?”

“I can try.”

Spock put his hand on Jim’s face. “I will help.”

Jim closed his eyes and sighed.


	17. Chapter 17

“When should we get started on the greenhouse?” Jim asked, removing the floppy hat to wipe the sweat off his forehead with the long sleeve of his shirt. His fucking head was on fire from wearing the stupid hat. He had to find a way to get even with Bones.

“Not today,” Selek replied. The old Vulcan was on his knees, babying a plant with magenta leaves and blue colored fruits. “It is too hot.”

“Isn’t it always too hot?” Jim was on his knees, so now he leaned back on his haunches and surveyed the work he’d been putting in to Selek’s garden all morning.

“Like Earth, this planet’s temperatures fluctuate. Two days from now it should be a few degrees cooler and there is a prediction of a storm.”

“A storm? Like rain and stuff?”

Selek nodded. “Yes. A rarity on Vulcan. But perhaps not so much on New Vulcan. I have already experienced three of them since my arrival here.”

“Hmm. Okay. I didn’t know that. But still, if there’s a storm we won’t be able to do a lot of building.”

“The storm is expected in the afternoon, if you are amenable we can begin work on it in the morning. I do not anticipate a large structure, therefore, we can get much of it done.”

“Sure, whenever. Spock wants to stay a couple of weeks still, so I should have time.”

“How are matters between you and Spock?”

Jim smiled. “Is that your way of asking me if we’re doing it?”

Selek bristled. “It certainly is not.”

He laughed. “You are too cute. I love getting Vulcans all offended.”

“We do not—

“Get offended.” Jim laughed again. “That’s bullshit and we both know it.”

Selek smiled a little. “You are in a good mood.”

“Well, in answer to your question, I’ve made progress with Spock.”

“I am gratified to hear it.”

Jim nodded. “He’s not with her anymore. Er, Uhura, that is. And I guess maybe some of the reason is because he’s figured out how cute I am. “ He laughed again.

“You are that,” Selek agreed.

“I was kidding.”

“I was not. It is not surprising to me that Spock is acknowledging his feelings for you. They have been obvious for some time.”

“Yeah, well, they weren‘t obvious to me. I’m not even sure they were obvious to him. Anyway, I think he wants to take things kinda slow.” Jim shrugged. “So in answer to that unasked question, we are not doing it…yet.”

“He is cautious. He does not want to get it wrong, not with you, most of all.” Selek nodded and then struggled to his feet. “We have been out here for two hours, it is time for a break inside.”

“Thank God.” Jim got to his feet and followed the old Vulcan into the house. He removed his hat and goggles at once and tossed them on the couch.

“Would you like coffee?” Selek asked, going into the kitchen.

“Something cold would be preferable. God, I’m roasting.”

“I allowed you to get too hot. My apologies, Jim. I should have stopped you earlier.”

Jim waved this off and sat at the dining room table. “Don’t be silly. I’m fine. Just a little hot.”

Selek nodded. “I will bring you a wet cloth for your neck. You are flushed red.”

He returned a moment later and Jim put the wet cloth across his neck. Selek brought two cool drinks to the table and sat next to Jim.

“How are you sleeping, Jim?”

“Lately? Not so great. Since I…since I woke up after the whole Khan business, it’s been getting worse. It’s weird because at first I was sleeping really good and I don’t think I dreamed at all. But now it’s every night. Last night I dreamed of Tarsus. And the thing is the events in the dreams are real. It’s not like my mind is making shit up.”

“You do seem to be fatigued all the time.”

“I can’t remember the name of the restaurant Spock and I had breakfast at just a couple of days ago, but I can remember the name of the little girl they killed in front of me when I was just a teen.” Jim shook his head. “Emily. Why is that?”

“I believe that short term memory loss is not unusual in your circumstances,” Selek said.

Jim snorted. “Except my circumstances are unusual. How many people die and get revived?”

“As far as I am aware you and I are the only ones of my acquaintance.”

“And how weird is that? One hell of a coincidence.”

“Well, of course it is not.”

Jim sighed. “Yeah, it’s not. Do you ever dream?”

“By nature Vulcans are not a very imaginative species, however, I am half human, so yes, I have dreamt before.”

Jim studied Selek’s lined face. So much of his own Spock was there and yet not. He adored this version of Spock, but he found that he missed his own Spock and wished he were there right now.

“What are they like? Your dreams?”

Selek seemed to hesitate even as he took a sip of his cool drink. “While I have had what humans refer to as a nightmare on rare occasions, more often the dreams I have had are memories of the past. Sequential dreams, if you will.”

He felt a knot form in his stomach. “You dream of him?”

“Yes. But do not grieve for me, Jim, these dreams I speak of give me peace and comfort where there would be none otherwise.”

“It’s unfair.”

“Perhaps,” Selek acknowledged. “But I lost my mate long ago. I have adjusted to it.”

Jim shook his head. “I can’t imagine ever adjusting to it.” He bit his lip. “I’m not sure what I’d do without Spock and Bones. And they aren’t my mate.”

“I believe it will be a matter of time before Spock will rectify that.”

Jim didn’t want to hope too much. He found if he really wanted something badly, if he really spent a lot of time wishing and hoping for something, it never happened, and he faced crushing disappointment and loss.

He smiled, a way to hide his uncertainty. “We’ll see.”

“Would you care for something to eat?” Selek asked.

“Yeah, but you know, you’ve already done enough,” Jim told him. “I’ll get it.” He stood up and an instant wave of dizziness hit him.

“Jim?”

Selek’s voice sounded distant, so far away. The old Vulcan’s face swam in front of his eyes. His mouth moved but Jim could hear no words. Jim staggered forward, clutching the edge of the table.

“Spock—”

He hit the floor hard, the sound of his cracking skull loud in his ears, and then…nothing.


	18. Chapter 18

“Where is he?” Spock demanded of Selek as he entered his house. Selek had contacted him to advise him Jim had collapsed and been rendered unconscious. Spock’s world had tilted on its axis.

Selek looked calm and serene which irritated Spock. “I have laid him in the bedroom. He has not yet awakened.”

Spock brushed past him and into the room. Jim lay in the middle of Selek’s bed on his back, eyes closed and very pale.

“I was considering doing a mind meld,” Selek told him.

He shot his counterpart a look. “If anyone is to touch his mind, it will be me.”

“I have melded with him before.”

Spock stiffened. “I am aware. He told me once. However, there is no current need for you to invade his mind.”

Selek was completely unruffled. “As you wish.”

Spock sat on the bed next to Jim.  He touched his hand to Jim’s face. “He is warm.” He was also breathing far too shallowly.

“We’d been outside working in the garden. I believe this is more than mere heat sickness.”

Spock removed a hypospray he had brought with him in a small bag. He injected it into Jim’s neck. “I have been in contact with Dr. McCoy. He advised me to treat Jim with these.” He injected another.  

“I am certain he knows best,” Selek replied.

Jim was stirring, moving around, though he had not yet opened his eyes.

“Jim,” Spock spoke softly, stroking his face.

The lids fluttered, revealing a little sliver of blue. Spock felt overwhelming relief.

Selek moved closer. “He is waking?”

“Yes,” Spock said. He glanced at Selek, quickly realizing the serenity had been a façade. He noted the concern in the all too similar brown eyes in his counterpart’s face. “He will be all right.”

Jim moaned a little.

“Ashaya?”

“Spock?”

Spock cupped his jaw. “Yes, Jim. Do you know where you are?”

He shook his head. “No.”

“You are in Selek’s home. You collapsed here.”

“Head hurts.”

“He hit his head when he fell,” Selek supplied.

Spock nodded. “I have a hypospray for that. Dr. McCoy thought you might have a headache.”

“Bones?”

“Yes.” Spock injected him. Jim’s face cleared. “Better?”

“Yeah.” He started to struggle up, but Spock kept his hand firmly on his chest and held him down.

“Not yet. You must rest for a while. How are you feeling?”

“Little weird. Groggy.”

“You are disoriented. I feel it through our contact,” Spock explained when Jim gave him a questioning look. “Do you remember anything?”

“No. I came to garden. I don’t really remember the rest.” Jim frowned and Spock felt his unease.

“It is all right. You need not worry about it. I have been in contact with Dr. McCoy and he is taking a shuttle here.”

“Bones? He’s coming here?”

“Yes.”

“He didn’t have to do that.”

“He felt that he did. He wants to see for himself how you are and I agree.”

Jim sighed. “He was having time off before the mission.”

“You are more important to him. To me. I am gratified.”

Jim looked past Spock to Selek. “Hey. Are you all right? You look a little pale.”

“I am fine, Jim. I am pleased to have you awake.”

Jim smiled. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Either of you.”

Spock reached for his hand, linked their fingers. “Are you hungry? Do you wish some tea?”

“I am a little hungry.”

“I will fetch you something,” Selek said, then left the room.

“You’re worried,” Jim said softly.

“I cannot help it. I have lost you once, I do not wish to do so again.”

Jim bit his lip. “Do you think it’s serious, then?”

Spock swallowed. “I do not know. Dr. McCoy seemed concerned.”

“Yeah, but he worries too much.” Jim smiled. “You do, too.”

Spock leaned down to place a soft kiss on Jim’s lips. “You can sit up if you want. I will assist you.”

“I don’t think I’m an invalid, Spock.”

“Indulge me.”

Jim grimaced, but he allowed Spock to assist him in sitting up in the bed. “I hate this.”

“To what do you refer?”

“All this uncertainty.”

“You had a grievous injury. It is not unexpected to have some consequences.”

“I wasn’t injured, Spock. I died.”

Spock’s heart ached with the very words. “I am all too aware.”

Jim squeezed his hand. “I’m here now. And you’re with me. And you and me? I never thought there’d be a you and me. Not like this.”

“I will never leave your side, if you will allow me to stay.”

Jim’s smile lit up the room. Even if the thought was illogical. “I never want you to leave.”

Selek came in then with a bowl of soup and a cup of tea. He handed both to Spock.

Jim gave him a look. “You are totally not feeding me.”

“Are you—?”

“Yes, I’m very certain. I can feed myself.” Jim took the bowl of soup and the spoon and helped himself to a bite. “There, see?”

Spock’s lips twitched. “How is your head?”

“Much better. Bones and his miracle cures.” Jim looked to Selek. “Thank you. For this. For getting Spock here. Everything.”

“It is pleasing to take care of you, Jim,” Selek assured him.

Spock tamped down the jealousy that briefly threatened. “We are both grateful for your assistance.”

“I have brought you tea as well, Spock,” Selek advised as he handed Spock a cup. “I will be in the living room if I am needed.”

“He’s really great,” Jim said, when Selek had left.

“Indeed.”

“You aren’t still jealous of him, are you?”

“He loves you,” Spock answered simply.

“Yeah. I love him, too.” Jim stroked his fingers over Spock’s hand. “But it’s not the same as you. You know that right?”

Spock nodded, feeling the constriction in his side lighten just a little. “Yes, Ashaya. I am grateful for his care of you. And for Dr. McCoy.”

“I can’t believe Bones is coming.” Jim shook his head. “He’s going to yell at me.”

“More likely he will yell at me.”   


	19. Chapter 19

“I swear to God, Spock, you are not carrying me.”

“It would be the most efficient and logical method to get you home in the fastest way possible, Captain.”

“I don’t give a fuck, I’m walking,” Jim told him, forcing a falsely pleasant note to his voice.

“Jim.”

“I’m not a delicate flower.”

Spock arched a brow. “You are not a flower you are a man. A stubborn one at that and at times most infuriating. However, you have proven of late that you are, indeed, delicate.”

“I’d like to nerve pinch you over that,” Jim grumbled.

“You are cranky and unreasonable,” Spock said. He handed Jim’s floppy hat and goggles to him. “Put these on then. If I suspect it is in any way too much for you, I will carry you.”

“Over my dead body.”

“Negative. But I am not above nerve pinching you.”

“And I’m the stubborn infuriating one?” Jim plopped the hated hat on his head and secured the goggles. “All right let’s go.”

“Did you say goodbye to Selek?”

“Yeah, but he’s probably coming by for breakfast tomorrow.”

Spock nodded. “Very well.”

They began the walk back to Sarek’s house.

Jim still felt a little weak but not too bad. He could manage to get to the house. As it was he’d promised Spock he would go straight to the bed and lay there like an invalid until Bones arrived. Jim didn’t want to, but Spock was so concerned Jim gave in. He hated seeing Spock upset.

Jim was aware of Spock’s gaze straying to him constantly. “I’m all right, Spock.”

“No, you are not. With Dr. McCoy’s arrival I am hoping you will become that way.”

“Do we know when Bones is supposed to be here?”

“My father has gone to the city to meet his shuttle. He should be here later this afternoon.”

Jim smiled. “I don’t feel like I’m dying or anything, Spock.”

“I find absolutely no humor in the possibility,” Spock replied.

“No, I know. I’m just saying, I don’t think that’s what is happening. I don’t want you to worry.”

“I am not worried,” Spock insisted. “I am concerned.”

Jim wasn’t sure there was that much of a difference but Spock liked to argue semantics and Jim wasn’t really in the mood for that.

Now in the distance he could make out Sarek’s house and he had to admit he was relieved. He didn’t feel like he was going to collapse again or anything but he was hot and he would like to cool down and rest some.

“Are you all right?” Spock asked.

“Yes, Spock.”

Jim was pretty sure Spock wanted to pick him up and carry him and was barely restraining himself. But Spock kept silent the rest of the way into Sarek’s house.

“Before you banish me to bed, I want to eat something. I’m hungry.”

“Very well,” Spock agreed. “Sit at the table and I will get you some plomeek soup.”

Jim tried not to grimace. He didn’t hate it but it wasn’t like totally loaded with flavor or anything. But Spock wanted to take care of him, so that meant plomeek soup.

A moment later Spock brought him the soup and then sat beside him.

He took several bites of the soup. “You gonna watch me eat?” Jim asked with a smile.

“Affirmative.”

He sighed. “I’m really all right. I promise.”

“I will wait for Dr. McCoy.”

“Spock.”

“Jim, when you died I believed I had lost you. I felt great relief when you were revived. I do not wish to lose you again. Not now when we have—”

“Spock, you won’t.” Jim reached for Spock’s hand, linked their fingers together. “I don’t want to lose this either. Whatever this is…Bones’ll fix it.”

Jim touched Spock’s cheek with his other hand. “I’m crazy about you. I have been for…I don’t even know. For a long time. We’ll be okay.”

Spock leaned into his touch. “Yes. If you are done with your soup, it is time for you to rest.”

“You’re worse than a dictator.”

But Jim got up and let Spock put him in bed and even let the silly Vulcan tuck him in. He’d just pull off the covers when Spock wasn’t looking. It was far too hot for blankets and sheets.

He’d been sort of sleeping off and on when he heard the front door open with a loud bang. Spock, who had been sitting in a chair by Jim’s bed, stood.

“Where the hell is Jim?”

Jim smiled. “Bones is here.”

“It would seem so.”


	20. Chapter 20

“What the hell has happened to you now?” Bones demanded coming into his room and scowling over him.

“Good to see you, too, Bones.”

Bones sighed, relenting just a little. “You know it’s good to see you, brat. Although not all sick.”

“I’m not really sick,” Jim protested.

“You always collapse for no apparent reason?” Bones rolled his eyes and then looked back at a hovering Spock. “You can go.”

Jim saw the flash of irritation in Spock’s eyes, but Jim said quickly, ”No. Spock stays.”

Bones grimaced. “Like that now, is it? Can’t say I’m totally surprised.”

“Like what, doctor?’ Spock asked.

“You and Jim. You’re like the Bobbsey Twins.”

“Bobbsey twins?”

“Old Earth reference,” Jim supplied for him. “Means we’re really close.”

“It would seem simpler to state that.”

“Anyway,” Bones said loudly. “So you’re officially a couple now?”

“Well, we haven’t—”

“Yes,” Spock said.

Bones sighed and took out his scanner. “So now I have to deal with the hobgoblin breathing down my neck whenever it concerns you.”

Jim didn’t point out that basically that had been the case for a while. He just smiled.

“Where’s it hurt?”

Jim shook his head. “It doesn’t. Not now anyway. I feel fine.”

“He has been excessively tired, overheats easily, and has been dizzy. He fainted in Selek’s home and hit his head. He continues to have memory lapses and an increase in nightmares,” Spock supplied.

Jim made a face.

“All that true, Jim?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve been wearing the floppy hat and goggles I sent with you?” Bones asked.

“Yes. And by the way, could you have chosen me a more ridiculous hat?”

Bones grinned. “Probably. You’ve been using the hypos I sent to help with the thin atmosphere?”

“Yes.”

Bones reached into his bag and produced a large hypospray.

“What the hell is that?” Jim asked, feeling vaguely panicky.

“Iron. Your levels are really low. How much protein have you been eating?”

“A little. But they are vegetarians down here.”

“You need more. Iron, protein. Probably some D.” Bones shoved the hypospray into Jim’s neck.

“Fuck me,” Jim complained rubbing the sting.

“You aren’t taking care of yourself. Your cells have changed since we gave you the super blood. You have a whole new list of needs in addition to whatever else you had before.” Bones glanced at Spock. “And you, you haven’t been monitoring him properly.”

Spock stiffened.

“Bones, it wasn’t Spock’s job to make sure—”

“It damn well was. I talked to him after I told him he could take you to New Vulcan.”

“Wait, Spock asked you for permission?” Jim asked with a frown.

“I’m your doctor, you fool. I should have told him no.” Bones scowled again.

“Bones, I’m fine. Stop blaming Spock.”

“The doctor is right.”

“No, he isn’t,” Jim said. “I’m an adult and I don’t need two mother hens watching my every move. Bones, you’re my doctor and my friend and Spock’s my…my, um, well, he’s Spock. But I have to take responsibility for my own health, too.”

“I should make you go back to Earth with me right now and put you in the hospital.”

Jim didn’t miss the narrowed gaze and clenched fists of his Vulcan. “You’re here now, so there’s no need, right?”

“Well.”

“Sarek has a room for you, doesn’t he?”

“He can have the room I was staying in,” Spock spoke up. “As I will be in here with you.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Bones said.

“Why not?”

“I don’t think you should be engaging in any strenuous activity until I’ve had some time to observe you and see how your treatments are going.”

“I assure you, doctor, I have no intention of being responsible for any lapses in the captain’s health.”

“Wait, does that mean no sex?” Jim demanded.

“Yes,” Bones and Spock said at the same time.

“For now,” Bones added, reluctantly.

“I’m fine,” Jim insisted.

“We’ll be the judge of that.” Bones sat on the edge of the bed. “I want you staying inside for a couple of days, too. No gallivanting around this desert.”

“Gallivanting?”

“You know what I mean. Sarek told me you’ve been into the city and over to Selek’s house a few times. If you want to see Selek he can come here to see you.”

“But I’m helping him with his garden and we were going to build a greenhouse.”

“Don’t be whiny, Jim. It’s only for a few days.”

“You said a couple,” Jim said mulishly.

“A couple or three or four.”

Jim sighed. Spock was looking at him expectantly. And since he didn’t want to worry Spock, Jim nodded. “Okay.”

****

“Is this what you really want, Jim?” Bones asked him over cups of coffee at the dining room in Sarek’s house. Spock and his father had gone into the city for a council meeting, but Spock had indicated he would not be gone long.

Jim knew what his friend was asking. “Spock? Come on, Bones. You know the answer to that.”

“I know you’ve always had a thing for him.”

Jim nodded, staring into his coffee. “Almost from the beginning, yeah. But talk about unobtainable.”

Bones gave him a very serious look. “That’s why I’m questioning it.”

“Huh?”

“I just wonder if part of the appeal of Spock for you was that unobtainable thing.” Bones ran his fingers through his hair. “Hell, I don’t know, Jim. You seem to be a masochist. Always looking for ways to make your life a living hell. What better way then to fall in love with a robot with a girlfriend.”

“Spock’s not a robot.”

“I know. But you also know what I mean. Jim, you feel deep. Sometimes too deep. Your emotions are very intense. Loving someone who wants to repress that…I just don’t know if that’s wise.”

“Spock has never said he wants me to repress my emotions, Bones.”

“Maybe not yet. But someday? Yeah, I could see him doing that. He doesn’t want to be human, Jim. He wants to be Vulcan. You’re the most explosive person I know and I don’t want to see you change for anyone.”

Jim smiled and covered Bones’ hand with his. “I know that.”

“Do you? Now that Spock’s not so unobtainable anymore, you’re immediately all over it. But now that you’re going to have it, are you going to freak out? I’ve never known you to be in an actual relationship.”

“You and I have a relationship,” Jim pointed out. “Not a romantic one, but one that’s lasted. Right?”

“That’s cause I’m a saint.”

Jim laughed. “That’s true. But I know what I’m doing.”

“I hope so. I don’t want you to get hurt, Jim. You’ve been hurt enough. Betrayed enough. He hurts you, I’m gonna have to kill him.”

Jim knew Bones was only half kidding. “I really want him, Bones,” Jim said softly. “Whatever the risks.”

Bones sighed. “I knew you were going to say that.”

“Be on my side?”

“I’m always on your side, kid. Always.”


	21. Chapter 21

“He’s watching me, isn’t he?” Jim asked Selek, who had his arm linked with Jim’s.

They had been allowed by Bones to step outside into Sarek’s backyard when Selek had arrived in the morning for breakfast. Spock and Sarek had gone into Sarek’s office afterward.

Selek looked back toward the door. “Yes.”

Jim sighed. “I’m wearing the hat and goggles.”

“Dr. McCoy is concerned for you, Jim. We all are.”

They sat on the bench that had been their intended destination.

“I feel fine,” Jim insisted.

“I am gratified to hear that.”

“I’m sorry I worried you yesterday.”

“I am an old man, Jim,” Selek admitted. “I do not have many years left. I would rather live the time I have left with the knowledge you are well.”

“Don’t talk like that. You aren’t going anywhere.”

“Preferably not. Not in the near future anyway. But even Vulcans do not live forever and I am only half-Vulcan.”

Jim looked up at the sky. “I like it out here. It’s bearable in the morning like this.”

“It is pleasant. The clouds are already coming however.” Selek pointed in the distance. “The storm I told you about.”

“Was he like this in your time?”

“Dr. McCoy?”

“Yeah.” Jim looked back toward the house and spotted Bones staring through the window at them. “He’s a worry wart.”

“He loves you.” Selek gave a little shrug. “We all do.”

Jim smiled and nudged him with his shoulder. “You too?”

“Indeed.”

Jim got a lump in his throat and attempted to pretend to be all macho, but he knew he failed miserably. He reached over and squeezed Selek’s hand. “So he was the same?”

“Quite similar, yes. He was very protective of Jim.”

“That’s nice to know.”

“Speaking of protective,” Selek said, “how are you getting along with Spock?”

Jim snorted. “I’m pretty sure he watched me sleep last night and this morning he chose my breakfast for me.”

“A little too controlling?”

“This is new for him I guess.” Jim shrugged. “Although he was with Uhura.”

“I can assure you his view of you is quite different.”

“Yeah, how so?”

“You are his t’hy’la.”

Jim frowned. “His what?”

Selek smiled slightly. “Ask him. But I assure you, it is quite different from whatever he had with Nyota Uhura. This is where his possessiveness comes from.”

“Is that…you and Jim?”

Selek nodded. “Spock probably believes I want to claim you as my t’hy’la as well.”

Jim laughed. “Well, I don’t know what any of that means.”

Selek patted Jim’s knee. “You will know soon enough. I had my t’hy’la though and this time is Spock’s.”

The door opened behind them and they both turned to see Spock coming outside.

“Speaking of.” Selek stood.

“You don’t have to go,” Jim protested.

“I am not leaving,” Selek assured him. “I am going inside to give you privacy.”

“Okay.”

Selek said something Jim couldn’t hear to Spock before he went into the house. Spock walked over to the bench and took the seat Selek had vacated.

“You are not overheated?” Spock asked.

“Well this hat is making my head sweaty.”

“I am surprised Dr. McCoy allowed you outside.”

“Bones is not actually the boss of me.”

Spock arched a brow.

“He’s not,” Jim said, crossly.

“I believe he thinks otherwise.”

“Things okay with your dad?”

Spock nodded. “Yes. Just New Vulcan concerns. There is a lot to consider when building a colony. I have been talking with Dr. McCoy.”

“About?”

“We think you are better off returning to Earth for the remainder of your time before you take command of the Enterprise.”

Jim heart plummeted. “What? No. Spock, I want to stay here with you.”

“I want that as well. However, Dr. McCoy—”

“Can go fuck himself.”

“Jim.”

“I’m serious. Jesus, I love Bones, but I’m not going anywhere. Not without you.”

“But if it is for the best you should do it.”

“Didn’t he come here to take care of me?” Jim shook his head. “What is best for me is to be with you.”

Spock hesitated. “Very well.”

“What is t’hy’la?”

Spock’s eyes widened. “Where did you hear this word?”

“Selek.”

“He spoke out of turn.”

Jim put his hand over Spock’s. Spock turned his over so they were palm to palm. “He implied I was this to you. If I’m not, it’s okay.”

Spock didn’t speak for a moment, just continued to press his palm into Jim’s. “You are. Brother, friend…lover.”

“Well, we’re not that. Yet anyway.”

“Jim,” Spock said, his voice heavy with disapproval.

“I know. But someday, right?”

“Someday soon,” Spock agreed. “T’hy’la is revered amongst my people. An ancient bond between two warriors.”

“A bond? Like a Vulcan bond?”

Spock arched a brow. “I am a Vulcan. What other kind would there be?”

Jim laughed. “Well, yeah, I know. But I don’t…we didn’t bond, did we?”

Spock raised his hand toward Jim’s face. “Will you permit me?”

He nodded.

Spock’s fingers spread over Jim’s face the way Selek’s had once done. Jim braced for discomfort, but none came. Instead, he simply felt Spock’s presence.

“What is that?” Jim whispered. “I can…I don’t know. Feel your thoughts.”

“It is what I am trying to explain, Jim. We did not officially bond, but we are one.”

Jim backed away until Spock’s fingers were forced to slip from his face. “Since when?”

“I believe we were always meant to be a bonded pair. That is the way of t’hy’la.”

Jim frowned. “But-but when did you know this?”

“Since we came to New Vulcan and I have touched you.” Spock looked away. “You are not pleased.”

“No, it’s not that.”

Spock looked dubious.

“It’s not. Being with you…in _any_ way, it’s great.” Jim squeezed Spock’s hand. “Spock, you were just in my head. You have to know I’m completely, irreversibly in love with you. It’s just a lot to take in. I-I don’t know what’s expected of me. I’m not Vulcan. Or a telepath.”

“The bond, if you accept it, will need to be completed by the Vulcan High Priestess.”

“If I accept it. I don’t have to?”

Spock tried to remove his hand from Jim’s but he wouldn’t let him. “You can ignore it. I, however, cannot.”

“Then…then okay.”

“Jim—”

“Spock, you’re what I want. I’m not saying this isn’t all a little weird. And kind of fucking scary.”

“There is more you need to know about bonding. About what would be expected of you as my mate.”

“Expected of me?”

Spock nodded, but said nothing more.

“But you want this…with me. Right?”

“Yes.”

A shadow fell on them from above and they both looked up as clouds opened up a downpour over them.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW...Soupnazi got her friend to make me a drawing of Jim in his floppy hat and goggles (yay).  
> It was done by tumblr user jelff who used to be usscamelot!
> 
>  

“You’re soaked through,” Dr. McCoy screamed at Spock and Jim as they rushed into the house.

“Calm down, Bones. It’s just a little rain. It’s not even cold rain.” Jim wrinkled his nose. “It does feel icky though.”

McCoy rolled his eyes. “Icky?”

Jim merely laughed. “Yeah. I’m gonna change. And Spock is gonna change with me. Coffee and tea would be appreciated.”

“Do we look like waiters?” the doctor asked, pointing toward himself and Selek.

“Well—”

Spock took Jim’s hand and pushed him toward their now shared room. He firmly closed and locked the door behind them.

He immediately turned to Jim to peel his wet shirt off.

Jim swatted his hands. “I’m not actually a damsel in distress, Spock. I can take my own wet clothes off.”

“I do not believe you are a damsel.”

“Are you sure? Sometimes you and Bones seem to act like I’m completely incapable of doing anything.”

Spock framed Jim’s face with his hands. “Dr. McCoy cares for you. The way he knows how to show it is to try and take care of your medical needs.”

Jim grimaced. “I guess.”

“And protecting you and ensuring your safety is highest priority for me for the same reason. Because I care for you.”

“Care for me, huh?” Jim gave him a small smile. Spock reached for the hem of Jim’s shirt. “Spock—”

Spock ignored his protests and yanked the wet shirt over Jim‘s head. His fingers crept down to the button of Jim’s jeans. He noticed immediately when Jim’s breathing changed.

He raised his gaze to Jim’s face in time to see his tongue trace his lips and his eyes dilate.

“Jim,” Spock attempted an admonishment.

“I can’t help it, Spock,” Jim whispered. “You’re undressing me. Who wouldn’t get turned on?”

“Dr. McCoy—”

“Has squat to say about my personal activities,” Jim murmured. He put his arms around Spock’s neck. “Kiss me.”

“Jim.”

Jim smiled. Spock found it hard to resist that smile and he was certain Jim knew that. “Spock.” Jim’s mouth grazed along Spock’s jaw and up to his ear. Spock shivered but it was not from being wet or cold. Jim’s hot breath fanned his ear and then that too tempting tongue flicked out at the point on Spock’s ear.

Spock’s own breathing changed as he flipped Jim down onto the bed and pulled Jim’s jeans off rather too aggressively, but Jim’s shuddered gasp seemed to indicate he did not mind Spock’s rough handling.

“Do we have time?” Jim asked, pulling at Spock’s wet clothing.

“We will make time,” Spock rasped, his voice rough to his own ears. He crushed Jim’s mouth under his, devouring those, sweet plump lips. Jim’s struggles with Spock’s clothing was a little bit of a distraction, but finally they were both naked and Spock’s hands spread all over so much warm, human skin. Jim’s skin. The bond lit up, bright and hot, deep and intense, with so much skin contact, their nerve endings extra sensitive to the point they were both gasping and rubbing against each other.

“Spock?” Jim whispered, his lust hazed eyes turning confused for a moment.

“You feel me in your head?”

Jim nodded.

“It is the bond I spoke of. T’hy’la. We are touching so the bond is content.”

Jim shook his head, the confusion deepening so Spock took possession of Jim’s lips again. Jim might not understand their shared mind link, but he understood physical contact. Spock put up mental shields to make Jim more comfortable for the time being.

Jim moaned and pushed up at Spock. “Please, touch me.”

Spock reached between their bodies and grasped Jim’s erection, sliding his fist over the slick shaft.

“Sp-Spock.”

“Shh, Ashaya.”

Jim started kissing him desperately, clinging to him, thrusting at him as Spock’s hand continued to stroke Jim’s cock. Spock placed his other hand on Jim’s chest, feeling his heart beating fast and frantic. But it was beating. Jim was amazingly alive.

Spock wanted to unshield, wanted to feel the bond he had with Jim, but he knew Jim needed more time to adjust to the link they shared and the last thing he wanted to do was add more stress to his t’hy’la.

Any moment Spock suspected McCoy would check on them, so he stroked Jim faster, with a firmer grip. Jim’s moans and desperate pleas were working on Spock’s own cock, he was close to orgasm with just Jim’s sounds and movements.

Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock, like he was looking into Spock’s very katra, and Spock wondered what exactly Jim saw when he looked at him like that. Spock knew there would never be anyone else for him but Jim. This impossible, irritating human that belonged to Spock. He had never expected to be so fortunate.

“Ashaya,” Spock whispered and Jim’s lips curved into a smile and his hand slipped from Spock’s shoulder and down to encircle Spock’s erection, and that was all it took, just the touch of Jim’s fingers, and Spock was undone.

They both came, shooting all over each other’s stomachs, chests. It was intense and it was messy. Spock didn’t care.

“I love you,” Jim said softly, against Spock’s neck.

There was a light tap on the door but neither of them moved.

“Your coffee and tea is ready,” McCoy said through the door.

Jim sighed. “Be right there, Bones.”

Spock kissed the tip of Jim’s nose.

“Stop that,” Jim protested with a laugh. “Guess we have to get dressed.”

“Indeed.”

Jim rose a little and then smiled down at Spock. “That was our first time.”

“I am aware.”

“It’s a little weird, right?”

“Weird?”

“Yeah. I mean when we first met, did you ever think you’d be lying in bed with me with my cum all over you?”

“Indeed not.”

“So a little weird, right?”

Spock snagged Jim’s hand and linked their fingers. “Perhaps. But I have no complaints.”

“I do.”

“You…do?”

Jim nodded, his face serious. “I wish I’d told you sooner, we could have been doing this before.”

“That is true, however, we should focus on the future rather than the past.”

“That’s the logical way, huh?”

“Very logical.”

There was a louder tap on the door. “Jim!”

Jim grinned. “God, he’s a pain.”

“I heard that,” McCoy said.

“You were meant to!” Jim shot back, and then he rose from the bed, and Spock immediately missed his warmth.


	23. Chapter 23

“Jim, can I talk to you?” Bones asked Jim as he stared out at the storm through Sarek’s kitchen window.

Currently Spock and Selek were playing chess and Sarek was watching them.

Jim turned around from the window, clutching his cup of coffee. He smiled. “Sure.”

“Somewhere private.”

Jim nodded and led him to his bedroom. When the door was closed, he asked, “Am I dying?”

“Look at my face, Jim. Not funny.”

He sighed. “I don’t think it’s funny, Bones. Why don’t we sit?” He pointed to two chairs in the corner.

“Did you and Spock—”

“Bones,” Jim interrupted. “I really love you.”

“What?” Bones stared at him in surprise.

Jim smiled. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you that, but I do. You’ve been the best friend in the world to me almost since we met and I couldn’t have come this far without you. You’re closer to me than my own brother.”

“Uh, thank you.”

“But the truth is, Bones, I’m going to die. I don’t mean in the near future. At least I don’t think I do. Do I?”

Bones shook his head.

“Good. But I will someday and you know what? It won’t be your fault.” He reached for Bones' hand and squeezed it. “You’re a great doctor. The best even. And I don’t say that because you’re my friend. You just are the best. You’ve pulled me out of so many scraps, I lost count a long time ago. And not just me, either. You save people every day and I’m in awe of you. But Bones, even if you didn’t save me this last time, even if I had actually stayed dead, it wouldn’t be your fault.”

“I know all that,” Bones said, impatiently.

“Do you?”

Bones sighed. “Yeah. In my head anyway. My heart tells me differently. I’m your family. Until Spock came along you didn’t have anyone else. You had Pike, sure, for a little, but as much as he liked you and believed in you, he still had to do what regs said to do. For me, you come before whatever the fuck Starfleet says and you always will.”

“And that’s why I love you.” Jim squeezed his hand again. “Yes, Spock and I did have some sexual activity. And I didn’t collapse and expire from it. Whatever time I have left, whether it’s ten days, ten years, or ten decades, I’m going to live my life while I have the chance.”

“Can you do that without unnecessary risks?” Bones grumbled.

“No, probably not. But unnecessary risks are running at Klingons with phasers pointed. A little physical activity with my first officer is not one.”

“Just be careful.”

Jim nodded. “Okay. So what is this? Why am I doing this fainting act and getting all tired?”

“You had major radiation poison. Hell, let’s be blunt here since it’s just us and not the brass. You had fatal radiation poisoning. Khan’s blood revived you but it also changed a few things about you and we’re still trying to figure all that out even after these last few months.”

“So I’m not dying?”

“Nah.” Bones smiled. “And thank God for that. I don’t want to live in a world without Jim Kirk. But you are still recovering. And you need a lot more nutrition than you did before. And supplements. We’re going to have to get you on those, too.”

“Do I have super blood now?” Jim wasn’t sure how he’d feel about that if he did. He didn’t want to be anything like Khan.

“Meaning?”

“I don’t know. Can I fight like Khan? Can I bring tribbles back from the dead?”

“Do you want to?” Bones asked.

Jim shook his head. “All I’ve ever wanted was to be me.”

“You’re you,” Bones assured him. “All the rest, we’ll figure it out.”

“And that’s why I love you.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re so mushy.”

Jim laughed. “You done lecturing me on my obsession with a certain Vulcan?”

“Is that what I was doing?”

“Trying to prevent the fun between me and Spock.” Jim waggled his brows.

“Just be careful there too.”

“Spock won’t hurt me, Bones.”

“Well, if I manage to forget he once almost strangled you, I’d agree. But I’m talking emotional hurt.”

“You worry too much.”

Bones nodded. “Maybe. Just…make sure he’s really what you want before you get too involved. Remember what I said before.”

“I remember. It’s already too late, I’m involved. And I don’t just want to be with Spock because he’s unattainable.” Jim smiled. “I think I’ve obtained him.”

Bones rose from his chair. “You really are impossible.”

Jim grinned and stood, too. “Come on, Bones. Let’s go cook for the Vulcans.”

“Cook for—are you serious?”

“Of course I’m serious. They won’t know what hit them.”

****

“Thank you for the meal, Jim,” Sarek told him after dinner as Sarek poured himself more tea and Jim coffee.

Jim smiled. “You liked it?”

“It was…interesting.”

He laughed. “At least I gained your interest.”

“I believe it is my son whom you have gained the interest of.”

Jim hid his blush by raising his coffee cup before his face. “I don’t know about that.”

“I do. It is his intention to make you his mate.”

He was glad he had not taken a sip of his coffee for he would have choked. “Uh, has he talked to you about it?”

“It is the Vulcan way,” Sarek said simply.

“Both Spock and Selek speak of t’hy’la.”

“It is an ancient revered bond between warriors. This does not surprise me. Spock has been drawn to you since the beginning. A t’hy’la bond makes sense.”

Jim couldn’t help think it made sense to Vulcans, but he wasn’t so sure it made sense to him.

“I guess I’ll need to learn about it.”

Sarek nodded. “Indeed. There are many lessons of love.”

Jim couldn’t help but smile at the talk of love from a Vulcan. “Love?”

“We feel very deeply, Jim. Spock does not choose you lightly.”

And speaking of Spock, he chose that moment to step back into the kitchen.

“You should retire,” Spock said somewhat primly.

Jim smiled at Sarek. “Guess I have my orders. Lead the way, Mr. Spock.”     


	24. Chapter 24

Jim watched the storm from the window of his room—their room—as Spock got ready for bed in the bathroom. Jim had already gotten undressed and stood only in his boxer briefs.

Spock stepped up behind him and enfolded Jim in his arms, pulling him close against his chest. “We did not get storms like this on Vulcan.”

“We did in Iowa. Sometimes worse. And with thunder and lightning. When I was really little the thunder used to scare me.”

“Not the lightning?”

Jim shook his head. “It was just a flash of light to me. But the thunder…that was loud and angry.”

Spock’s lips touched Jim’s ear. “You had too much anger around you as a child.”

Jim couldn’t deny it, so he didn’t say anything. “Bones said I’m not going to die, by the way. Not yet anyway.”

“He told me the same.”

“Oh?” Jim turned and looped his arms around Spock’s neck. “I’m not sure how I feel about my doctor revealing private information.”

Spock arched a brow. “Private from me?”

“I guess not. But where’s the mystery if Bones blabs?”

“You need no mystery with me and the doctor knows we are mates.”

Jim smirked. “He does? And how did he learn that tidbit?”

“I may have revealed private information as well.”

Jim sighed. “I’ll probably get a talking to over that now, too. Now everyone knows. Your father, too.”

“This bothers you?”

“I don’t know,” Jim said honestly. “I know I love you. I want to be with you and no one else. But the rest—”

“The rest we will figure out, t’hy’la.” Spock kissed him lightly. “I will do nothing you are uncomfortable with.”

“You need the whole mind link thing, though, don’t you? It’s a Vulcan thing.”

“I am only half-Vulcan, but yes, it is something we need for completion.”

He exhaled slowly. “Then I’ll work on accepting it. It’s part of you, so it’s a package deal.”

Spock led Jim to the bed and gently pushed him down onto his back. “I do not believe you will find it as dire as you seem to think.”

Jim smiled. “Dire? I don’t think I feel quite like that.”

“You found the meld with my counterpart unpleasant.”

“Yeah, all that emotional transference. It was a lot to take.”

Spock lay down beside him. “I would not push all that into your mind at once, ashaya. I do not approve of his methods.”

“He did what he thought he needed to do.”

“Hmm. If he had damaged you, I would not be pleased.” Spock cradled his chin. “Our bond is not like that, Jim. We would feel as one, share emotions, sometimes thoughts. It is not as invasive as you imagine.”

Jim nodded. “All right. I trust you.”

“I am gratified that what has been ailing you is not life threatening,” Spock said, his thumb brushing over Jim’s bottom lip. “I did not want to lose you a second time.”

Jim’s breath hitched. “I didn’t know I was yours to lose before.”

“You have been mine for a long time, ashayam.”

“Why don’t you show me how much I’m yours?” Jim grabbed Spock’s wrist. “Please?”

“You do not have to beg me, Jim, although I cannot say I am displeased.” Spock’s eyes were shining. Spock rose from the bed and slipped his fingers into the waistband of Jim’s boxer briefs. He pulled them off like an expert, but Jim was a little amused when he carefully folded them and put them on the desk in the room.

He loved Vulcans.

Spock removed the sleeping robe he wore and hung it back up in the closet.

“That’s weird, isn’t it?” Jim asked.

Spock arched a brow as he rejoined Jim on the bed. “To what do you refer?”

“Having a robe just for sleeping.”

“Why is it any different than having pajamas?’

“Hmm. You’re right.”

Spock leaned down to kiss him. “I am always right.” He pulled back almost instantly. “You are nervous.”

Jim licked his lips. “A little.”

“Why?”

Jim shrugged. “I’m about to have sex that actually means something. I don’t have a lot of experience with that.”

“Taluhk nash-veh k'dular,” Spock whispered just before his lips claimed Jim’s.

A little while later, after Jim had been prepared, Spock entered him, deep and thoroughly, and they both sighed as at last their bodies were joined.

“Are you all right?” Spock asked.

“Mm. Yes. But you may want to start moving.” Jim rose up trying to get Spock inside him even more.

Spock’s hand rose to Jim’s face, hovering over his psi-points. “May I?”

Jim smiled. “You don’t have to ask. I’m yours, remember?”

“As long as you remember,” Spock said. His hand rested on Jim’s face and just as Spock was inside Jim’s body, he was now inside Jim’s mind, surrounding him with love and desire that made Jim’s breath hitch.

Spock began to thrust and Jim lost himself to the feel of his Vulcan everywhere.

****

“Jim?”

“Here, Spock.” Jim turned away from staring out the window again as Spock stirred in their bed.

Spock, looking adorably rumpled, frowned as he sat up. “You had another nightmare?”

“No,” Jim assured him. “Just woke up. I don’t sleep long.” He went to sit on the bed and put his arms around Spock.

“There is something you still fear,” Spock said quietly a few minutes later.

He sighed. “Maybe. I just…I don’t want to screw this up.”

“Your command of the Enterprise?”

“No. You’ll be there to see that doesn’t happen.” Jim closed his eyes. “You. I’ve never wanted anything in my life as much as I want this to work with you. I just…I don’t know how to be normal, Spock.”

“I do not wish for you to be normal, whatever the meaning of that vague word is, I wish for you to be who you are.”

“Sometimes I’m an idiot,” Jim said with a laugh.

“I do not agree.”

“Hmm. Love really is blind.” He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you. Ever. And I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid and do just that.”

“Everyone feels that way, ashayam.”

“Do they?”

Spock nodded. “I am capable of being blunt to the point of insensitivity. You know this. I seldom stop to consider another’s feelings before speaking or acting. I am ruled by logic.”

Jim smiled and pulled Spock’s fingers to his lips and kissed them. “I have a thing for logical Vulcans.”

“As long as I am the only Vulcan sharing a bed with you, I can accept that.”

Jim laughed. “Of course you are. I have no intention of having anyone in my bed but you, Spock.”

“I am gratified to hear this.” Spock drew Jim down until he was lying on the bed again. “Will you allow me to help you?”

“Help me?”

“It is early. I would like you to rest longer. I can help you sleep.” Spock’s fingers went to Jim’s temples. “It will not be unpleasant.”

Jim nodded. “All right.”

He felt a gentle stirring in his mind and then total relaxation overtook him.

“Sleep, t’hy’la.”


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My good friend Carla had an artist do a picture for me of Jim in his floppy hat and goggles and I simply had to post it here. Thank you Carla
> 
>  
> 
>   
> 

Spock watched as Jim prepared to set the floppy hat Dr. McCoy had given him on his head in preparation for going to Selek’s house. He’d already put on the goggles.

“I don’t know what you are complaining about Jim,” McCoy said. “You look cute.”

Jim rolled his eyes.

“The doctor’s choice of words are questionable, Jim, but you are indeed as pleasing in appearance as ever.”

Jim smiled.

“That’s how it’s gonna be from now on, huh?”

“What, Bones?”

McCoy snorted. “Spock and I say pretty much the same thing and I’m gonna get a ‘shut up, Bones’, and he’s gonna get a, ‘you’re so clever and handsome, Spock’. Gonna make me sick.”

Jim laughed at that but Spock wasn’t sure he understood.

“Jim did not call me clever or handsome, doctor. I would have remembered had he done so. I also do not recall him telling you to shut up.” Spock paused. “This time anyway.”

“You’re hilarious, Spock,” the doctor grumbled. He approached Jim and pulled the hat low over his brows. “Did you put on the sunblock I gave you?”

“Nope, and I’m not going to. Makes my skin break out. I’m fine like this. And where the hell are your goggles and floppy hat?”

“I have a hat and goggles, never fear.” McCoy jabbed Jim in the neck with a hypospray.

“Fucker,” Jim complained, rubbing the spot.

“You love me.”

“Yeah.”

McCoy eyed Spock. “Don’t worry, Spock, he still loves you best.”

“I was not, in fact, worried.”

Jim smiled and came to where Spock stood waiting. “You ready?”

“Indeed.”

They were headed to Selek’s house to help him build the small greenhouse he wished to put next to his garden. Selek had also invited them to dine with him. Jim, who acted as though he was the captain even off duty—and Spock and the doctor let him— had insisted they had to help the elderly Vulcan with his project before they left New Vulcan to return to Earth and since they were leaving day after tomorrow in the morning, this was their task.

McCoy did indeed put on a hat, though it was much smaller than Jim’s and what appeared to be normal sunshades commonly worn on Earth.

“I don’t have quite the sensitive skin you have,” McCoy said when Jim’s eyebrows shot up.

“Let’s just go. He’s expecting us.”

The short trip didn’t take them long as McCoy and Jim spent the whole time talking about the refitted Enterprise. McCoy grumbled about five years in space and Jim, predictably, just laughed at him. Spock had noticed that Jim seemed to be either amused or exasperated by the doctor.

Selek greeted them from his front door and Spock didn’t fail to notice though his greetings to both Spock and the doctor were amiable, there was particular effusive enthusiasm for Jim. Spock no longer felt jealous of his counterpart. In fact, he felt rather sympathetic for the older Vulcan. He himself could not imagine a life without Jim Kirk in it. _His_ Jim Kirk. He could hardly begrudge Selek his affection for Jim.

“I thought we would have our lunch first and then proceed to the garden. I believe with your assistance it will go up easily. It is not meant to be an extravagant building,” Selek assured them.

They sat down to a meal Selek had made for them, with Jim sitting beside Selek and Spock sitting on the other side of Jim.

After a time, Jim smiled at Selek. “What?”

“The three of you…remind me of someone,” Selek admitted.

“We do, huh? You and Bones and Jim of your time?”

Selek smiled a little. “Yes. There are differences of course but none that are significant.”

Jim covered Selek’s hand with his. “I wish I could have met them, too. I bet you were all really something.”

“We were efficient.”

“Efficient?” Jim laughed. “You’re so cute.”

Selek blushed even as Spock’s lips twitched. His Jim could charm anyone. But most especially Vulcans named Spock.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap on this one. And I so appreciate the response I got to this story, including those saying they could read 100 chapters and those loving Jim's goggles and floppy hat. But I've said all along, I think anyway, that this one was originally supposed to be short, almost a one-shot really, and it grew into several chapters as people gave me feedback seeming to like it. And that's really great. But I feel like I don't have much else to say here. So thank you.


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